Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Brian Trenchard-Smith on Megiddo: Omega Code 2

In the Belly of the Beast: BRIAN TRENCHARD- SMITH on Megiddo: Omega Code 2

[Excerpt from the chapter "THAT's Godsploitation! A Blinkered View of Christian Apocalypse & Rapture Cinema" in Jack Sargeant's forthcoming anthology SUTURE 2]

With the outrageous success of The Omega Code, Trinity Broadcasting ordered a second romp through the Book of Revelation. The previous film’s Antichrist figure, Michael York, is recast and reworked as Stone Alexander, supported by a surprising cast of exploitation cinema veterans - the ever reliable Franco Nero, the cold fish eyes of Udo Kier, who also did a Satanic turn in End Of Days and Blade, and R.Lee Ermey, the drill sergeant from Full Metal Jacket who is promoted in Megiddo to US President.

At the helm was one of Australia’s greatest exports, the UK-born Brian Trenchard-Smith (or BTS), whose career spans over 30 years, from Antipodean actioners - The Man From Hong Kong (1975), Deathcheaters (1976), Turkey Shoot (1982) - to later lower-budget exploitation features such as Night Of The Demons 2 and the direct-to-video franchise. LeprechaunMegiddo is Trenchard-Smith’s aggressive rejigging of The Omen trilogy into a $20 million war movie - a low budget by Hollywood standards, but BTS’s largest budget to date, who clearly grabbed the cash and ran amok with a CGI paintbox, using the entire Jezreel Valley as his blank canvas.

Condensing The Omen through to The Final Conflict in first 30 minutes, Megiddo opens with the first stormy stand-off between future Antichrist Stone Alexander and his Christ-like younger brother David. The child Stone drops a match into his baby brother’s crib and stands back smiling while his Nanny beats out the flames. Stone is sent off to military school run by a concerned-looking General Francini (Franco Nero), who recognizes Stone’s innate genius but notes his complete lack of humanity. The kids taunt the impassive Stone with “Baby killer! Baby killer!” and is watched over by a Satanic Knight (Udo Kier) with his restless hounds of Hell.

As a young man, Stone (now played by Noah Huntley) catches the eye of Francini’s daughter Gabriella (Diane Verona) and proposes. Franchini finally uncovers Stone’s secret and tries to expose him, but Stone sets one of the CGI hell hounds on him and he dies of a heart attack.

25 years later, Stone (a campily pompous Michael York), now married to Gabriella, has wormed his way to the head of the European Union. He hurls his suspicious father off a third-storey balcony. By now, Satan has truly taken hold of Stone; he sends in tanks to an unnamed Middle East country to flatten a few peasant villages, then proclaims victory over terrorism by the United World Union. His grave-faced brother David (Michael Biehn), Vice President of the United States under President Benson (R. Lee Ermey), sits back and watches as the US is left out of the world block (clearly playing on America’s paranoia over “Fortress Europe”) along with renegade Red China. Benson goes with David to Stone’s European mansion to make him see sense - he shakes Stone’s hand, and a serpentine electric bolt shoots through the President’s bloodstream into the President’s heart and flattens him. David Alexander finds himself in the unenviable position of President of the United States.

Now convinced his brother is the spawn of Satan, David faces a no-confidence vote from his government, dodges an arrest warrent and is on the run. Meanwhile a vengeful Stone taunts God with “Pour out your bowls of wrath upon the Earth!” and within moments floods, riots, the Colloseum is knocked down like skittles by a buge meteor, and an earthquake tears the Sphynx in two. Stone strikes back in front of an enormous crowd in Africa and cuts them down with flames, screaming “Worship MEEEEE!!!!” and, in a particularly jaw-dropping moment, vomits a horde of bees that pour over the Great Wall of China.

China declares war on the United World Union and, along with the United States and South America, sends tanks into the Valley of Megiddo. At this moment of great worldwide despair the fugitive David Alexander emerges as the “chosen one”, a Christ-like figure of salvation, and sets out to halt Stone’s plan for eternal damnation. At Megiddo, Stone presides over a part-real, mostly CGI battle of Armageddon, then splits open to reveal the twenty-feet winged reptilian form of Satan himself. The sun turns blood red, then black, and out of the darkness, like a 50s Red Scare wet dream, the Second Coming erupts as a gigantic mushroom cloud that cuts a swathe through the unrighteousness.

Megiddo is evidently less concerned about scripture and more about action - there’s no Rapture, no Mark of the Beast, no Antichrist’s resurrection. Instead, BTS’s film is more about taking wild swings at Revelation for a wider audience - with deeper pockets.

BTS: Is ‘Megiddo’ still renting in Australia?

Andrew: Megiddo is, yeah. And it still trickles down to the same expression when they bring it back - "What the hell was that?" I think the whole church angle, the Book of Revelation angle, is so strong in it that it knocks people for a bit of a loop. I don't think they're used to seeing Church-funded apocalypse films.

During the Reagan years here in America, I think it was James Watts, the Evangelical Christian cabinet minister, was asked about the government’s rollback policies that were now damaging the environment. And he basically said, the environment doesn't matter - the Rapture is coming!

Yeah!

And, God will make it all over again if He wants to, so who cares, it's not important. What is important is for us right-wing Republicans to make as much money out of the environment as we can in the meantime….OK, he didn't say that. He didn't say THAT bit. Not out loud. Pardon me. I jest. And I'm a mind reader.

Yeah. Reading between the lines it's really quite a frightening concept.

Indeed, how did that longing for Rapture affect foreign policy? Nuclear Holocaust? No problem! Authoritarian Ideology of any kind is frightening, whether it is Calvinist, Islamic, or anti-intellectual Maoism of the Pol Pot variety.

Given the eccentric and irreverent nature of many of your films, Megiddo seems an odd choice. What do you say to critics who have accused you of using your skills to make propaganda for the religious right?

In a free society, everybody is entitled to get their message out there to anyone who will listen. That includes Evangelical Christians. There are 26 million members of registered Christian organisations in the US. One group of Pentecostal Christians, Trinity Broadcasting - wanted to make a movie about the battle of Armageddon, and were offering me the largest budget of my career. (So, careerism did enter into my decision.) But I had no qualms about telling their story, despite the fact that their message did not align with my spiritual beliefs. The Jewish line producer felt the same way. Of course I would not make a film for the Satanists. That’s a mental illness, not a religion. Or if the Taliban wanted an instructional film on “The Joy of Stoning”, I would also decline. In this instance, the Pentcostals wanted a product made – something they described openly as a “conversion tool”. Personally I find their philosophy a little judgemental, punitive and patriarchal for my taste, but they’re entitled to their views.

But what are your views?

Personally I believe that all religions are simply different cultural expressions of the same human yearning for answers to the meaning of life. Religions should be in harmony not conflict. How could “A Just God" create competing belief systems that encourage different races to make war upon one another in His Name? That would be cruel, and inconsistent with the concept of a benign super-intelligence capable of creating the cosmos. Empathy should make the world go round, not money. And this philosophy is common to all the great religious teachers that have influenced mankind. Treat thy neighbour as thyself. God is not the problem, we are. Society needs a moral code based on spiritual values - but throughout history, the ruling elite in different parts of the world always re-tooled religion into a control system. Some day in the future the world will unite under one religion, but it will be a religion that mandates racial and gender equality, embraces all major religions of the past as valid steps on the path to enlightenment, and applies spiritual values to solving economic and environmental problems. Not that anyone is going to take seriously religious instruction from the director of Leprechaun In Space, but those are my views, and the people who financed Megiddo are entitled to theirs also. It is important to have their views on display, so people can judge for themselves. So I said I would film their script, but invest it with a little of my sense of cinema humour at the same time. In this way, people not normally attracted to religious material might find it entertaining. Even revealing.

Let me digress on the subject of propaganda. It has its uses. Why? Because propaganda is a two-edged sword. It always reveals more about the people behind it than they realise at the time. Triumph Of The Will played very well to the German audience of its day. But to the rest of the world it was a clear warning to those still unconvinced as to where Hitler’s dreams of empire were headed. That film galvanised political opposition in England and America. There was much debate as to whether the director Leni Reifenstahl was a committed Nazi, an objective documentarian, or just a self serving careerist. Opinion will always remain divided. But her film provides mankind with a vital portrait of the arrogance and military triumphalism that imbued Hitler’s ideology, and a warning against allowing national pride to reach those toxic levels again. So propaganda of any kind – take cigarette advertising up to 1960 for instance – provides a useful addition to the public record. Let me hasten to add that I do not equate religious fundamentalists with Nazis, though the Taliban were getting close. The Pentecostals that I met through the movie all sincerely believed that their brand of Christianity was the way the world would be saved from despair. I saw their charities in operation. I met crack and heroin addicts they had rescued from skid row who were now living happy productive lives. There was a lot I saw that impressed me. But I just cannot buy this War-on-Satan thing as a driving force. Because I do not believe in Satan, this aggressive power of evil walking the earth, looking for ways to help people make themselves miserable. Satan is a metaphor for negative thinking. He is a fun movie character, but, like Jason and Freddie, he does not exist.

So how did you approach the movie?

As you know, I'm interested in genre gene-splicing. I thought, what this particular church wants to show its followers is a Cecil B. de Mille Ten Commandments type religious epic dealing with grand themes in allegorical terms on a world stage, culminating in the battle of Armageddon and The Second Coming. The script they gave me was florid melodrama, full of grandiloquent speeches substituting for relationships. It was The Greatest Script Ever Written, and changes were out of the question. That is, until Michael York and Michael Biehn both expressed their serious concerns about their characters, then I was allowed a pass at the script within strict guidelines. While giving the stars more meat to feed on, I tweaked the structure into something like: The Omen meets Airforce One in the End Of Days. They fight The Battle Of The Bulge ( Gulf War style) and are rewarded by The Second Coming. The melodrama of the piece could not be disguised so I embraced it whole heartedly. I pitched the tone of the film earnest and solemn for its religious market, and a little high camp for the secular audience, both of which were present on opening night. Stirring religious moments got applause, and a lot of Michael York’s dry asides got the laughs I was aiming for.

I'm sure that sociologists can deconstruct the film with glee, and they should. But hopefully there's my own small cult audience that might like it as high camp. That's why Michael York and I put in so many Biblical and Shakespearean quotes. He's a great Shakespearean actor so if you've got it, flaunt it. I felt if he had to make a lot of speeches, then they should be florid, literate speeches. Let him get his tongue around that, he's got one of the better tongues on the soundtrack these days. He used his Shakespearean skills to make the part constantly interesting. And you can't take your eyes off him when he's on the screen - he gobbles it up, with great skill.

You can tell he's not really taking it all very seriously.

No, he's having tremendous fun. So did I. I always have tremendous fun. Because I can always see the irony in things.

Where is Armageddon supposed to take place?

Prophecy suggests the battle will be fought round a hill overlooking the Jezreel Valley in Israel, the hill of Megiddo. This is the reputed site of the stables of King Solomon. It is also the site of numerous battles over the last six thousand years, a crossing point into the Jordan Valley. General Allenby defeated the Turks in 1918 on the Plain of Megiddo. Armageddon means “ at Megiddo “. So it's a place where strategic battles were always fought, so I guess that's why they nominated it for the 'final battle'. So I went there to check it out, and it looked just like agricultural land in Bakersfield, California. It didn't look like a dramatic landscape appropriate for staging the end of the world. I needed a place that evoked Masada, the mountain retreat where Israelite freedom fighters held off a Roman Army for three years, before committing mass suicide. Also, the 2000 Intifada was heating up. Israel was not going to be a healthy place to be shooting battle scenes from a Christian movie in a few months time. So we choose a part of California that looked like the traditional image of Israel, where the greatest danger would be driving the freeway to get there. In the Santa Clarita Valley, there is a place called Mystery Mesa, a large plateau which rises about 300 feet in the air and gave us a commanding 360 degree view of surrounding valleys and mountain ranges. Our Jewish line producer Larry Bettman was smart enough to spot it from the air in a light plane. It looked just like Masada and yet it was 30 miles from LA.

How much re-writing of the script were you allowed to do?

The original script spent nearly 40 pages on back story before Michael York is on the screen. Fascinating though the Anti-Christ’s childhood and military school experiences may be, the story treads water, the star is absent, and the audience is undoubtedly impatient. But the back story was ruled a sacred cow, so to speak. I streamlined and condensed as much as I was allowed to. The opening sequence was originally intended to be placed in the middle. I took it and placed it at the beginning, so at least we'd get Michael York up on the screen in the first few seconds, announcing his agenda, and the audience could immediately understand, oh, this is a sort of a Biblical allegory with grandiloquent speeches. And then it goes into strictly generic Omen-esque territory, so that people feel grounded in a familiar genre. Then, after some teenage romance to set up future conflict, and some slight grinding of gears, it changes genres into global political drama with supernatural trimmings. A bit of a dog’s breakfast – all over the place – but personally I like genre cocktails if they move fast enough and exult in their excesses. 4 movies in one has got to be worth watching.

Why is there a paintball battle in an era before the game was invented? Did you feel the need for another action scene and anything would do?

The only reason there is a totally anachronistic paintball battle sequence at the Italian military school ( Remember, this is 1975, guys!) is that principal producer Matthew Crouch, whose father financed the film, led his paintball team to victory in the State Championships, and he wanted the scene in the film. So that was that. Peripherally the scene demonstrates the Anti-Christ’s ruthlessness (if we were still uncertain) and his grasp of military strategy (take the enemy by surprise from behind). I introduced colored smoke into the battle and that gives the sequence an interesting look. On balance the paintball battle does give the film a burst of visual energy before a bunch of wordy sequences preceding the murder of the father. Then the structure motors along quite nicely (or absurdly, depending on your point of view).

Embellishing character within this structure had its challenges and restrictions. If you feel that there is a rather passive protagonist in the film, the Michael Biehn character, it's not for want of trying. I think he did a wonderful job, I hasten to add, but he didn't want to take the part until I could make the character as active as it is currently in the film. But the hero was not allowed to do anything on his own initiative that was not already pre-determined by God. The real hero of the movie is God, the protagonist is merely his tool. So this means that the heroic actions of the protagonist, which generally in cinema drama cause the tables to be overturned and the matters to be resolved in favour of the forces of good, in any allegorical tale, that formula was not permissible because the message of the picture is "Only God will decide, God will rule." And so you have to obey God's will at all times. Those are His chosen terms. So I originally wanted Michael Biehn to go up the hill for his final confrontation with his brother the Anti-Christ, with a tracking device in his boot, so that he could be the homing signal for Tomahawk missiles to blow up the Beast. But that was not God’s plan, it was explained to me. God required the protagonist to go on a suicide mission with no plan, just sacrifice himself. Then God would intervene, because everything is His show. He says when, where and how. Personally I have difficulty in reconciling this dictum with the massive amounts of Undeserved Misfortune in the world today. I have a problem with any belief system that models the spiritual world on tribal, hierachical command and control structures that have existed in human society throughout history, primarily to benefit the elites. Surely the Supreme Being is smarter and kinder than that? But what would I know? I am just an ethical hedonist who enjoys making movies.

Another of the script problems was that everyone was making speeches at each other, rather than having relationships. So what I worked on was to give Michael York a relationship with his wife, played by Diane Venora. Her part was so appalling no actress would take it! So I had to really clean it up and give her more to do, so that women were not just...

Hand-wringing kind of martyr types.

That's right. Or just clueless.

"I just realised he was the Beast!" Gasp!

Well, yes, that was a question Diane asked me often. "How come I have not really known all this time?" And I said, well, the only way you can justify this is that you haven't wanted to know. You know that there's a bucket under the bed, but you just don't want to lift the lid. You know something's there, but if you keep it hidden under the bed you don't confront your complicity.

But there is a little bit of a clue, too, that she's seduced by the charitable work with the poor that he's been doing, and so she actually does believe that he's doing good.

Indeed, his overt position is –“ I may be ruthless at business, but I’m just doing it so that I can pour a whole lot of money back into helping humanity”. So she turns a blind eye. The message there is that the Devil can seduce you with false values other than the obvious mercenary ones. Some of us can be seduced by our own sense of pride in our moral rectitude or level of compassion. The Devil will find your weakest point, whatever pride you're susceptible to, and exploit that. And you know, that's reasonably plausible. My view is that the Devil is a metaphor for selfishness, from which all human failings stem. But in this kind of movie it is fun to visually create The Beast. However, his final depiction in Megiddo by a sorry digital effect, scarcely worthy of Playstation 2, was my greatest disappointment with the film. That’s a problem with CGI. The experts assure you it will look great in the final render. When it doesn’t, it is too late and too expensive to start over. Overall, our VFX supervisors did a great job with limited resources, but The Beast let us down. He should have been really scary.

I'm really keen on the early scenes, the Omen inspired ones. The attempting to burn the baby. Which is always a nice moment! (laughs)

Well yes, I had fun with that. There was an attempted baby burning scene in the original script, and it had to take place, and there had to be this line from the evil kid: "The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away." And that was an edict from on high. So I made the most of it. I mean, I've watched it with mothers present, and they shift very uncomfortably in their seats. But we were at great pains not to endanger the baby, or even the doll!

And of course, one of my other favourite moments is the first appearance of Udo Kier, because it was so totally unexpected! (laughs) I fell off my chair when I saw Udo.

Udo, yeah, he's great. He's quite a character.

So I've got a feeling that you're more than compensating the Brian Trenchard-Smith cult audience -

Well, I would HOPE so!

- by populating the film with people like Udo Kier and Franco Nero particularly.

Well, I'd like to take credit for that, but in truth we had to get some names that had some theatrical value in Europe. So that, we knew the film would get a theatrical release in the United States, because they were basically going to four- wall it, through whatever theatres they could get. Three hundred ultimately. But to make sure that it would get a theatrical release in Europe it had to have some European stars, in addition to Michael York, who certainly is a British name. Udo and Franco were friends with Larry Mortorff, one of the 'secular' producers. He's got thirty producer credits on movies. He's a lawyer, and a significant powerbroker in his own way in Hollywood. And he knows everybody, so he can call in relationships. He knew Franco and he knew Udo, from past films, and said hey, think about being in this. I talked to those guys over the phone and we worked something out. I mean, in the script Udo’s character had absolutely no part at all, and I just used every opportunity to have him as an observer in scenes. So we built him up as much as possible, but as far as Udo is concerned, it's still not nearly enough part! But it was all I could manage, particularly in something that had to be shot in 38 days. And in Italy, they work ten hour, not 12 hour days. But it was a wonderful castle, Bracchiano Castle, about a hour outside of Rome, which has been used in Midsummer Night's Dream, Othello, and a number of other pictures.

So the question, I still haven't asked the question, how DID you become involved, in a church-funded apocalypse film? I mean, how were you first approached?

I was approached by a friend of mine who'd just had lunch with Mrs. Michael York. She said, "We're having real trouble finding a director that WE like for this follow-up to The Omega Code."

Because Michael York was listed as one of the producers.

Yes, well I'm sure that was an inducement for him to come on board the second one. And indeed, he's written a book about it - 'Dispatches from Armageddon' by Michael York. He kept a daily diary, which, I think, is an interesting rose-coloured view of things! But he's very kind to me, and to what I did, and yeah, I'm sure you could get that book on-line if you wanted. Because that could help you with your book, or your chapters, because there would be some quotes from him, relating to the film.

Anyway, Mrs York told this friend of mine, David Baxter, gee, I wish we could find a good director. And he says, "I know one!" I should give him credit for that. David Baxter is a young producer about to score with a lot of projects. And he's been a friend of mine since we met at the UCLA fencing club.

That sounds like a good place to network!

Anyway, David called me on my cell, and says, "Hey, get your reel over to Michael York's manager." And so I did. And so Michael duly saw my demo tape, and then I was called to meet him at a book signing he was doing for his book on Shakespeare. And as he said in his Megiddo book - ” five minutes later I could see that I was a man he could do business with”. And so he knew I didn't have a fixed vision, that I was going to be a conductor of fine instruments, as I often call myself as a director. You have to be a conductor of fine instruments, pick the brains of everybody and then weld their ideas into your ideas. I mean, immediately it was obvious that we should put Shakespeare in, Shakespearean quotes in the script. So when he saw my fondness for Shakespeare too, then I think that helped.

So then I was given to the Trinity Broadcasting people to have my professional past examined. I think they saw Britannic , the story of Titannic’s sister ship, which also sank. They deemed it very good value for money and special effects. I made it for $3.5M, ( perhaps little more than James Cameron’s catering budget!) So, they thought that I could handle a big look in a short shooting schedule. And I did. In fact, the schedule was originally going to be 44 days, and it was reduced to 38 days, which was a struggle but we did it. But I wouldn't have missed it for the world, it was great fun, and it may one day, someone will deconstruct it for a more popular audience.

I figured in some cases it probably would need someone holding their hands through it, saying, "Look, I don't think everybody's taking this so seriously, you know."

Much of the Christian press praised it, loudly.

Because they do...

And I am glad that the bulk of the Christian audience that saw it enjoyed it. Because how often does a big-scale VFX heavy Christian themed action picture come their way. Friends of mine called me after seeing it with suburban audiences a couple of weeks into the run. There was cheering in several spots and applause at the end. My job is to please an audience in whatever genre, so that was satisfying to hear. On the other secular side of the fence, I think only one reviewer got my tandem approach. Harry Knowles's Aint It Cool News review, well he had one correspondent who called it the kind of overtly high camp old fashioned B movie that they basically don't make any more. I'll take that as a great compliment.

That IS a good compliment!

Yeah, well I'm always interested in reworking a genre. Sadly only the faithful went on the release date, the week after the 9/11 attack. The secular audience stayed away from a film whose ad line stated….” In the beginning, the End had a name…( MEGIDDO )…That time is now…” Comforting words a few days after the worst attack ever on American soil. If they had written off the publicity expenses already committed to, and postponed the release till after Afghanistan – say February – and changed the ad campaign to a message of hope – then they would have done twice the business.

But according to an interview that I forwarded to you, the producers really did think that they were recording history as prophesied by the Bible.

Yeah, indeed, they said that God had positioned the release date of Megiddo to occur just after the terrorist attack when mankind needed to reflect on its ways. And there are those that believe that Biblical prophecy is about to come true, that we are in the time of Tribulation, which immediately precedes Armageddon, and will be followed by the Rapture. There are those that believe what George Bush is doing in occupying Iraq and inviting the terrorists to come there and fight American forces will bring about the very Jihad crusade that Ousama bin Laden set out to create, a clash between Muslim and Christian nations. However there are those that believe this is a Good Thing, because God will intervene on the Christian side, smite the heathen, and institute a New World Order. There are Right Wing Christians who justify American Imperialism as the Lord’s will. God created America to take control of the world for its own good.

A good way of disguising corporate interests.

Well yes! You'll die for what you're told is your God. But, if the God of the people who are telling you to die is -in truth- Money, then you've died for someone else's profits. I can't think of a justifiable war this century, other than World War Two. And again, if people hadn't been as craven and spineless and morally flexible in the 20s and 30s in relation to what was happening in Germany, Hitler could have been stopped. Hitler would have been avoided if the Treaty of Versailles had not been so punitive, and basically created the economic conditions that would bring about a fascist demagogue. And the present Middle East conflict would have been avoided if the British, French and Americans had not arrogantly carved up the Ottoman Empire to suit their own interests, while ignoring the interests and needs of the different ethnic groups in the region.

One thing I didn't ask was, have you actually watched the first Omega Code.

Yes I did. It has a promising start, some interesting mood and atmosphere and intrigue... but I'm afraid that from the moment that Casper van Dien leaps over that sofa on the talk show introductory sequence - it's all downhill from there. By the end, it is confusing and hard to sit through. Michael Biehn said to me "Did you see that first film they made? I tried to sit through it FOUR TIMES and I can't get to the end!" Well - it has one or two interesting moments, but it wasn't the compelling thriller it was advertised to be, but the Christian audience were so starved of anything that related to their area of interest, they went to it in great numbers. And it spawned the sequel.

Well, it's the whole concept of the starving man in the desert and the box of Sayo biscuits. He's gonna LOVE that packet of Sayo biscuits when he finally comes across them!

I thought surely there was a better movie to be made out of this kind of material. And lo and behold, I got my chance to try. But look, none of our films are perfect, certainly not mine.

It's incredible. Have you seen the Thief In The Night series?

The ones that you mentioned, those Seventies apocalyptic Christian ones, I've never seen those.

Oh, those Seventies ones are absolutely amazing. And you know I'm interviewing the filmmakers on Thursday. They're trying to get a miniseries, based on the seventies apocalypse series, off the ground for some Christian cable network.

There is a rival group of Christian filmmakers, who make the Left Behind series.

That's the one, yeah. I can't remember the name of their company, but they brought out Revelation and Tribulation...

Right. They've done VERY well.

They've done incredibly well, and yet… they really ARE awful, they're true B films.

But that's how starved the Christian audience is, for anything that speaks to them as decent. I mean, what can you say?

It's really quite interesting, because they're involved with a ministry called the Jack Van Impe Ministry. He's, I guess, one of the big Pentecostal bigwigs, who organised, I don't know if you know this, he organised an internet - not a survey, but a petition, an internet petition, that was sent out to about a thousand cinemas across America, with the names of thousands and thousands of born again Christian names, saying "We will blacklist your cinema unless you start to play Christian product." And that was about two years ago.

So that may explain why Trinity was able to get Megiddo into four hundred cinemas.

Yeah. I think it was only three hundred at the end of the day. They lost the states of New York and Washington D.C. - no theatre there would book the film after 9/11. Every theatre in those states cancelled their bookings.

Why, because it was seen to be in bad taste?

Yeah. You see a shot of the Pentagon in the film - and when I saw it with an audience 9 days after the Pentagon was hit, the audience winced at that shot. Now, I don't think that means you should cut it out, I think you should release the film at a more sensible time. Or a more prudent time in the market, or at least wait and see what a prudent time is. Megiddo is not a film that would ever have gone out of date, because it is, in a way, already dated - a Sixties epic in modern dress. Ten Commandments meets the Book of Revelations. Good versus evil, the wrath of God, the clash of nations, brother against brother - hey, you know, sounds like good stuff. But anyway, they decided to embrace the disaster of 9/11 and make it all part of the plan. And I think that was a major credibility blot, when God did not reward them with boffo box office.

Did you say it only got about six million?

$ Six million. Which is half what its predecessor got, but it did ship at least 450,000 video copies in the US and Canada alone. And it's a better film than its predecessor, I say with my customary modesty, and it's by no means perfect. But it's an interesting effort. But it could have done substantially better if they had judged the mood of the country more prudently, spent a bit more time thinking about it.

It was almost like the case of the fundamentalist minister who came out within a week of September 11 and said that New York deserved it, because it was a city full of paedophiles and sinners and sodomites! You know, that sort of thing is not good PR for the church.

No. Well, I think the church has got quite a few questions going on at the moment. I mean the Catholic Church, certainly. But I'm glad I made the film, I don't think it's harmed anybody, I don't think it will spiritually corrupt anyone, and it is certainly a visual document that is quite eloquent as to the whole philosophy of a particular branch of the Pentecostals in America, a very powerful branch.

One element that is missing from Omega Code and Omega Code 2, which was in the Left Behind series, is the whole concept of a rapture.

Yes.

So was it not in the job description to put in the rapture and...

I think it became ultimately a matter of budget. I mean, in the script, as Michael Biehn lies dying, he sees the Diane Venora character floating above him like an angel, so she's in heaven - but there was not a scripted rapture, other than the Mount of Olives splitting open and water gushing out. THAT aspect of the rapture, prophecy wise, was reflected, but the spirits all rising up out of the ground was not. And I think there was a genuine concern - perhaps a wise concern - by the producers, that it could look awfully hokey, it could look like something out of an early Sam Raimi film. Well, Sam Raimi would have done an interesting job on The Omega Code series (laughs).

I think so, yeah. If you look at those Seventies apocalypse films or even the recent ones, the Left Behind series, they always include the Seven Seals opening and the Four Horsemen. You sort of hinted at the whole thing about the Four Horsemen, the Pestilence and Starvation visiting the land, in a series of news stories.

Yeah. We were going to have more tribulation, we were going to have a blizzard of giant hailstorms smash the Pacific Design Center. There was meant to be all sorts of freak weather, which ultimately I got out of stock footage, and I created these little news broadcasts, to tell the audience about things we couldn't afford to do. Which is a low budget technique. But yeah, we could have had more, but that's the idea - God tests the people of the world with tribulations Will they still worship him in times of trouble? Or will they switch allegiance to a plausible celebrity who claims to be a benefactor to mankind, but really he represents the forces of evil. So those that side with the pretender, 'they will be cut down like winter wheat'. And that's the message

My point was that the other films are kind of almost beating the audience over the head with this whole Biblical Book of Revelations concept of the false prophet, and people accepting the mark of the Beast. In one film they're actually getting what looks like ink stamps on their arm, that kind of resemble bar codes. You know? And at one point the ink is kind of smudged, so it looks kind of shitty. And so I think to the credit of Megiddo you haven't kind of spelt it out to the audience.

I tried to eliminate scenes that would be so absurd in their internal logic that they took you out of the movie. However, there are those that believe the “ mark of the beast “ is your credit card number, and ultimately fallen believers will show their allegiance to the Antichrist by having it stencilled on their body, thus permitting them to receive food and water in the time of Tribulation. This was too complex a side issue for the film to explore.

In the light of all my comments, I don't want to appear to be stabbing the movie in the back retrospectively. I'm really quite pleased that it is what it is, that it turned out as well as it did, given the fact that it was an extremely difficult film to prep in eight weeks from a standing start, including rewriting. And shoot in 38 instead of 44 days. The works.

And the whole point of the article is particularly not to belittle the first Omega Code either, or to say that all these films are a little silly. You know, I'm seriously applying what is seen to be, what do they call it, apocalypticism, into that whole Christian theory of rapture, tribulation, armageddon.

You know why I think that the apocalypse movies and books and so forth are so popular right now, is because the world has become so complex, and so threatening. Not only are you threatened by geopolitics that you have no control over,and an environment and a food supply that is becoming more and more polluted and contaminated, you seem to be threatened by an economic system that becomes more and more oppressive to the middle class The rich get richer, the poor get audited, so that the once-contented, happy-little-vegemite middle class are now feeling the squeeze and they're frightened about the future. So if they can convince themselves that there's a future beyond the immediate future, that will give them what they've worked so hard all their lives for, to give them contentment and a life without fear, and all the things that Heaven promises - and all they have to do is obey the precepts of God's messengers on Earth, then that is some measure of comfort. But in a way, it's almost a neurotic reaction to a traumatic situation.

But it's a very human reaction too.

A very human reaction, we all search for the unknowable. I mean, my particular religious beliefs are completely different. I believe in the essential unity of all religions as different cultural expressions of the same search for the meaning of life, the imponderable, the unknowable. We don't know the answer. But we need to try to find it. So I believe that religion should not be a reason for conflict, it should be a reason for unity.

Well, that's pretty much my position too. But I'm sure that you didn't tell that to the Pentecostals! Unitarianism is possibly one of the big buggaboos or possibly one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse too.

Yeah, well, this is the way they are. Religion can be used as a control system, with a centralised authority that doesn’t like to share. But I would like to add that the rank and file Pentecostals that I dealt with on the film were all genuine decent likable people. On the last night of shooting, 300 Christian volunteers were swelling the ranks of our extras in the battle scenes. It was freezing cold. Groups of them huddled round small gas heaters for warmth singing Christian songs between set ups. I went over to one group to thank them for their contribution. And they decided to give me a blessing, crowding round me, laying their hands on me, even though I was not one of them. They prayed that I might find God like them. They were genuinely happy people. It was very sweet. I was touched. I accepted the blessing. Did it make me a better person? I think I am still the same. Perhaps it stopped me getting any worse! Anyway, that's it for the night.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Andy Milligan reviewed, Hal Borske interviewed

Two ANDY MILLIGAN monstrosities reviewed, HAL BORSKE interviewed

[Email interview with Andy Milligan regular Hal Borske late 2002; both reviews and interview are previously unpublished]

The GHASTLY ONESAndy’s first period gore film after a string of no-budget sexploitation features is real cinematic delirium. Imagine a Victorian drawing room melodrama rewritten by a native of a Parisian bedlam with an addiction to ether and sodomy, the scenery painted in fresh blood with animal carcasses, and roles played by speed freaks with a Joan Crawford fixation. Mommie Dearest with a pitchfork instead of a knitting needle. Just fucking insane.

Andy’s trademark obsessions are on display - a family riddled with incest and fueled by greed, loud obnoxious characters wallowing in their own filth, the innocent freak turned corrupt by a heartless world - and wrapped up in his hurtling off-kilter camera and weird claustrophobic framing. In turn-of-the-century New York three socialite sisters, crazed hetero harpies with sex and money on their fiendish minds, are called to a reading of their father’s will. The contentious estate is to be finalized on one condition - they spend three days with their husbands (assholes, each one of them) in “sexual harmony” on the family island at Crenshaw House with the three servants including the hunchbacked, buck-toothed half-wit Colin, so that the building may experience the “married love” his heartless cold fish of a wife never allowed. To quote Waiting For Guffman: they’re all “bastard people”.

Hal with rabbit

In the film’s opening scene a cavorting young couple dressed to the hilt in their Victorian finery and clutching a ludicrous-looking parasol stumble across the island for a clandestine picnic, and are set upon by the crazed Colin, played with foaming gusto by Hal - picture a bedraggled postman on a rampage, or a post-prison Pee Wee Herman gone to seed. Out comes the meat cleaver, then “thwack”, “thwack”! Eyes pop out, limbs are torn from their sockets, and the camera lingers on the bloodied female corpse being dismembered because, let’s face it, they’re ALL Andy’s mother. When the family’s boat lands on the island, Colin’s there to meet them, chowing down on a rancid bunny (see Hal’s interview for the real story) in front of the suitably horrified party.

The rabbit soon turns up staining the eldest sister’s mattress, and their door is daubed with a bloody “X”. Poor housekeeping, they ponder, or a portend to impending doom? The husbands and soon-to-be-headless middle sister then are dispatched one by one by a hooded assassin, complete with hump (or is it?) before a the family’s dark secret is revealed in a gloriously absurd, over-theatrical Grand Guignol finale. Its pre-MPAA butchery is astonishingly graphic: there’s a memorable death by pitchfork, cleaved skull spraying its fake contents along the stairwell wallpaper, and a trip to the woodshed which ends in getting sawn in half and disemboweled. Camp Grotesque, Milligan style, and for all its blood-red trickery and overwrought skullduggery, my favorite of Andy’s oeuvre.

Hal Borske on The Ghastly Ones: “The Ghastly Ones is a classic example of ‘extensions’. The point of the original is that the retarded Colin is completely innocent. He hasn't, or wouldn’t, kill anybody. Andy's bitch mother is the real culprit (and turns out to be Colin/Andy's mother as well). Someone (Miskin) wanted more blood and sooner - so logic be fucked, Andy had to write and shoot the opening murder of those two. I think the opening murders turned out well (and we got to eat the hard-boiled egg ‘eyes’) - so - what the fuck, it's not Citizen Kane.

“I just remembered (and before I forget) - I couldn't afford makeup, so I smeared my face with Vaseline and threw the contents of a few ashtrays at my face. Don't try that at home, kids - I'm a trained asshole - and my face was covered with blackheads for a week afterwards.

“That's Neil Flanagan (Guru, The Mad Monk), in a nice bit in swell makeup, as Lawyer Cribbs. Neil and I were good friends (he directed my first play) and neighbors. His wife, Jackie (the wonderfully crazy, blood clot licking witch in Guru) found and gave me what would become Claude, the doggie love of my life. Neil was up for several Broadway parts and tossed that great bit off the way a baker would make a special little cake for friends. They moved to California. He died. I miss him.

“I'm reminded of a very deep hurt and disappointment. The big fire scene near the end - (I call them the ‘raisin debt’ scenes) was going to be MY BIG SCENE. The ‘gag’ of the scene is: the half-wit, misunderstood mess (me) - the only decent person in the film - discovers the truth: the bitch is his mother (hello, Gladys) AND the real killer. He runs upstairs to warn the remaining two women. He's stopped on one landing by Mommy, who throws a lit kerosene lamp at him. He catches fire but continues running up to the next landing, where he collapses. Mom pulls out a cleaver and goes up, stepping over Colin's smoking body to finish the blood bath. She raises the cleaver at the two women, but Colin revives for a moment, catches at her dress and the cleaver flies out of her hand to flip and embed in her cranium. Colin and Mom tumble down the stairs together and die - but not before Colin looks at the body and says, ‘Mother.’ Well - what the fuck did you expect? Casablanca?

“Everything went great for the shoot. We were all excited, happy to wrap and all that. The wonderful Maggie Rogers (Mother) even volunteered to do the tumble with me - she didn't have to, she WANTED to - a true pro. I was padded and hump-backed and took all the stair hits with no pain at all. We did it once with no rehearsal and it was like a wonderful dance with a loving partner. Even during the fall we were looking at each other and both were thinking, ‘Shit! This is great! This is going to look SENSATIONAL!’

“During the bit about me on fire, they wet my long hair, set up a blanket to put me out and I was to roll down the stairs alone, end up on the landing on my stomach and someone was to put out the fire. This tumble down the stairs was not meant to be seen but would allow me to dash out the flames myself and then go on to the next scene of me at the top of the stairs, still smoking. SWELL! No rehearsal - we all knew the drill - it went beautifully. Except for one thing: no flames. There wasn't enough kerosene on my hump to make anything more than what looked like me running with a candle in my hump. I insisted on the unthinkable: a SECOND take! SWELL!

Andy Milligan directs

“By this time my hair had dried and the original kerosene had soaked the hump. They added more kerosene and lit it and FWOOMP! I was REALLY on fire! I smelled my hair and clothes burning, saw the flames light up the walls, and ran like - well - like a fucking person on fire. Also, this time I was REALLY screaming. I got to the top of the stairs (ahead of schedule) and rolled back down, thinking, ‘drop and roll, asshole, drop and roll, wow! - it looked great - but drop and roll or you ain't going out Saturday night!’ I hit the mark for the guy with the blanket to put out the last flames. He was transfixed in terror and couldn't move, so Andy had to come and stomp out the last embers. I lay there thinking, ‘Oh shit, Jesus knows about all those times I jerked off and I'm going to get it now.’ Everybody else stood there in shock (mentally picking out outfits for the trial).

"But, wonder of wonders - no pain, no burns, cuts, bruises . . . just a half-moon of hair burned from the back of my head. A relief for all - and we continued shooting the rest of the ‘gag’.

“I couldn't wait to see this on film. I'm thinking that this will be my audition clip. This is my ticket to - dare I hope - Hollywood! This is my entry into the daredevils club where the big boys play. This is the fucking RENT! You have guessed where this is going - the whole fucking day's shoot was underexposed and all you see on film is some confusion with some yelling. A later insert of broomsticks and trousers on fire was perfectly exposed, of course.

“I'm not really bitter (never was) about this - shit happens. But, oh Cholly - ‘I coulda been a contendah.’”

TORTURE DUNGEON

It almost seems inconceivable in this day and age that someone would attempt the pomp and pageantry of a ye Olde England costume gore epic on a budget LESS than a cross-town ferry ride. And yet Torture Dungeon, the first film for producer William Mishkin’s newly crowned Constitution Films, is filmic proof that Milligan’s audacity knew no bounds. Cue credits, the music – straight from a 40s Gary Cooper western – swells, and a procession of medieval misfits make their way down a deserted Staten Island beach, looking for all the world like a lost borstal passion play, carrying the coffin of the newly-dead king, beheaded in the film’s opening by the prissy yet evil Duke of Norwich (“Jerremy Brooks”/Gerry Jacuzzo). The Duke, last in line to the throne and sterile to boot, hatches a plan to marry off the new king, who would plant the royal seed in the Queen’s fertile soil. Once plowed, the Queen becomes the unwilling property of the Duke, and the remaining heirs are dispatched to their untimely deaths.

Hal Borske plays the new king strictly for cheap laughs: he’s a bumbling half-wit in a blonde pageboy frightwig who eats bugs on all fours and shows more interest in nailing his plate of chicken than his new queen. His on-screen presence is cut short soon after the “conception” scene, and he gets the obligatory stake to the heart. Blood erupts like tomato soup, exit Hal. And in every one of the death scenes from Torture Dungeon, Andy’s camera careers around and plummets to the ground as if it was dropped from a Staten Island ferris wheel. There’s even a script direction for this: “Swirl Camera”. Now stick that one in the text books.

Unlike The Ghastly Ones, where the gore comes thick and fast, Torture Dungeon spaces its bloodshed, which leaves wide open spaces in the script for Andy’s manic exposition. One scene plays like a psychedelic sex hygiene film of the 50s and features a crazed old harridan (a member of Andy’s theatrical troupe?) preparing the new queen for her wifely duties while floating around the room on PCP. The Sadean Duke endlessly waxes lyrical about his personal philosophy, declaring himself “not a heterosexual, not homosexual, not asexual – I’m trisexual. I’ll TRY anything.” An old chestnut, I know, but from the mouths of Milligan’s characters it takes on a new sinister tone. In another memorable scene the depraved duke is caught in bed with a hunchback, unloved and beaten as a child and corrupted by the uncaring world and now the Duke’s assassin and willing love slave. So, he says to his wife with a perverse sneer - ever heard of a menage a trois?

With the exception of the garish costumes (an area Andy always excelled at), the production is threadbare at every turn. The torture chamber itself looks like my Brisbane city basement, for chrissakes, and the effect of the evil Duke swinging a chain sounds suspiciously like Andy on a microphone going “Whoosh! Whoosh!” Voices veer wildly from the fruity and over-theatrical Jacuzzo to the flat Noo York drawl from the mouths of some suitably plague-scarred bookies and old Mafia types in Beatles wigs, uttering lines like “the dook of Nor-witch” with deadpan conviction. Local color, but wrong locality. And I think I spotted a Ramone or two in the funeral procession.

Hal on Torture Dungeon: “Torture Dungeon is a ‘classic’ Andy Milligan movie, in that all the elements mentioned in ‘The Ghastly One’ (the Jimmy McDonough book) are in place... The crooked producers - Andy really got fucked on this one. He finally got them to sign a contract for a piece of the action for him. But the contract had a "third-party clause" which allowed the majority owners to sell the film (to themselves), pay off Andy next to nothing, and distribute the film while keeping ALL the profits (PLENTY). That's not bad for a few thousand dollars' investment (pissing and moaning all the way).

Hal in Andy's final film Monstrosity

“The crappy script - well, all right, I TYPED the script (and others), but was afraid that people might think I had anything to do with the ‘writing’ of that shit. The off-camera talk had more drama, comedy, tragedy, wit and life than any Milligan script (but that's true of most Hollywood scripts as well). The dialogue is Andy's, verbatim, and my real job was to take stage directions like, ‘Business’ or ‘Swirl Camera’ and type out several pages of bullshit (that was never used - Andy knew what he was going to do anyway). I had to dummy-up fifty pages (ninety minutes) of crap to show to the producers for their approval (‘More tits and ass, Andy’). The so-called romantic montages and scenes between the guy and girl was a euphemism for a mere chance to ogle her tits (‘No faggy hands reaching for the tits and ass, Andy, get somebody else's hands in there’). I was paid a dollar per page, and those fifty bucks were more than any of the actors or crew ever got. Ever. All right, I padded my parts. In this one, in a stunning role reversal, I was not the Misunderstood Hunchback Dwarf, but Just Plain Idiot. What an acting challenge! The Misunderstood Hunchback Dwarf was played by the tallest ‘dwarf’ I ever saw, but I still couldn't fit into the costume. It was a nice change for me to be festooned in upholstery fabric instead of burdened with the usual hump, and I highly recommend being festooned now and then.

By the way, that ‘Suck it!’ business in the movie still fills me with wonder. I wonder what the fuck it was all about!

The crew - including my brother, John (I first got John hooked up with Andy for Compass Rose - maybe that's why John hasn't spoken to me in years). Also on crew, Matt Baylor (one of the hapless sacks of humanity, in a sweltering, rubber body suit in the ‘dungeon’). Matt Baylor is a quiet hero of countless films, plays, glitter/glam rock shows, much of the shit put on by the Warhol assholes, and who knows what all. A ‘tell-all’ book by Matt would mean Witness Protection Program for sure.

“The Fresh-Out-Of-Jail Drifter, that Andy ‘found’ God knows where. This guy was the usual HUNK: testosterone practically squirting out of his ears; a strong MAN/GUY, who wouldn't take ‘Ow!’ for an answer, with more than a hint of danger. He was every yuppie queen's and closet case's dream - ‘To hell with 'playing house,' shoot out the lights and FUCK ME!’ This guy knew about horses, so the movie had horses. One of the ‘nellier’ guys was hitting on this wrangler one day and Matt Baylor remarked, ‘Oh, look - Dale Evans meets Lash LaRue!’

“The Innocent Bystanders - those Staten Island neighbors, business owners and friends of friends who traded use of props, property, settings, material, and whatever ‘stuff’ they had, for a small part in what they led themselves into believing was Staten Island Shakespeare. Some of those ‘Brooklynese’ voices belong to really heavy Staten Island ‘muscle’. They got us the horses, the locations and a lot of - um - ‘protection’ from nosy civilians and police who had the audacity to inquire into what the fuck we were doing.

The One-Shot Actors - there's the pouty dumpling with big tits. We know about Candy from The Ghastly One, but I wonder what happened to the others. Now and then I'll see a house (in a housedress), herding around some piglets and a ‘fuck this shit’ husband - like at Disney World, and wonder, ‘Is that whatsername?’ Then there's the hapless Male Lead who always seems startled at what the hell he's doing in this ‘thing,’ with the "they never told me about this shit in acting school" look and demeanor. Maybe they went back home, married ‘Debbie’ and became decent, productive members of society.

“Then there's the highly irregular Milligan ‘regulars’. Neil Flanagan, in a really freaky hat that was to be an audience scare for Guru, The Mad Monk, and an eye patch (‘Does my eye deceive me?’). Neil's wife, Jackie Webb, who would play the blood clot licking witch, and delightful nightmare in Guru. My brother's now ex wife, Patty Dillon (Lady Jane), who often incurred Andy's wrath by pulling logic and common sense on him. Patty was startled (and pissed off) to find ‘herself’ with gigantic tits, playing a ‘soft-core sex’ scene in another Milligan movie. It was actually Candy's body and a guy's body that belonged to someone Andy had yanked off the street (‘Excuse me, do you want to get laid?’).

“Jeremy Brooks (Gerry Jacuzzo), whose roles always reminded me of a priest gone rotten (or rottener). Andy had a particular hatred for religious hierarchy hypocrisy and had written a dangerous ‘turns-out-to-be-true’ script that NOBODY would touch. Gerry had a wonderful dry wit and unflappable personality. When Andy had his obligatory "one-per-production" tantrum, Gerry simply walked away - and got away with it!

“Our beloved Maggie Rogers. I SWEAR that her ‘hatchet face’ was reserved only for the screen. Her ‘real’ face was very sweet. Everyone adored her, and her highly professional advice and tips were generous and loving.

“Others Too Numerous (Or Embarrassed) To Mention. Plenty of people came and went, but if you were called for another Milligan film, there was ‘something’ there. If I ever find out what that was, I will let you know.

“Me, Me, Me. There was no use complaining about that too tight, female Go-Go dancer's wig (Betty Page of Staten Island), so I had as much fun as I could get away with. I regret the camera didn't linger long enough to see - during the funeral cortege scene - I'm the Idiot Prince Albert, heir to the throne, helping to carry my father's coffin. You see me picking my nose, but you don't see me rolling the booger and sticking it to the bottom of the casket.”

ANDY MILLIGAN's other monstrosities


Vapors (1965) Hal Borske: actor

The Promiscuous Sex (aka Liz; lost, 1967) HB: actor

The Naked Witch (aka The Naked Temptress; lost, 1967) HB: actor

Depraved! (lost, 1967) HB: cameo

The Degenerates (lost, 1967) HB: cameo

Compass Rose (unfinished, 1967) HB: actor

Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me! (lost, 1968) HB: cameo

Tricks Of The Trade (lost, 1968) HB: actor “I'm seen rolling around on the floor with a drag queen and then a quick cut to me, being "discovered" by the hostess, giving a priest a blowjob in her toilet. Ahhh. Can Anthony Hopkins say that???”

The Filthy Five (1968) HB: actor

Seeds (aka Seeds Of Evil, 1968) HB: cameo

Gutter Trash (lost, 1969) HB: cameo

The Bitch (unfinished, 1969)

The Weirdo (unfinished, 1969) “I did a little local yokel bit in The Weirdo, but I know it was cut.

Nightbirds (1970)

The Body Beneath (1970)

Guru The Mad Monk (1970)

The Rats Are Coming! The Werewolves Are Here! (1972)

The Man With Two Heads (1972)

Fleshpot On 42nd St (aka Girls Of 42nd St, 1972) “In Fleshpot... I only did some voiceovers. I remember the recording session and the ‘no sound’ or bad sound dubbing had to be adjusted.

Supercool (unfinished, 1973) “If Supercool is aka The Pelvis (among other names - Lew Mishkin's asshole project) then I was in the toga party scene (extension) and bit player wrangler. If not, not. I did do the above in something.

Dragula (lost, c.1973) HB: actor

Jungle Bust (unreleased, c. 1973) “In Jungle Bust (a Walter Kent production), I only did editing and negative matching (Riiiippp!) with Andy. After seven straight hours (the entire film) I was supposed to have a bite to eat and come back for a cameo (nitwit picking nose and ‘masturbating’). I had a show that evening and couldn't do the bit - Andy (king of the nose pickers) did the bit himself.

Blood (1973)

Legacy Of Blood (aka Legacy Of Horror, 1978) HB: cameo

House Of Seven Belles (unfinished, 1979) HB: actor

Monstrosity (unfinished but released in Italy on video, 1987) HB: actor

The Weirdo (1988)

Surgikill (1988)

Barry McKenzie Speaks! Barry Crocker interview 2003

Barry McKenzie speaks! BARRY CROCKER interviewed

[Phone interview mid-2003, previously unpublished]

Andrew: What would you prefer, Mister Crocker or Barry?

Barry! Oh shit no, Mister Crocker sounds like my father – and he’s dead! Scary.

So do you know the reason why the second film has been not on video before?

Well basically it was shot on widescreen. And video doesn’t do letterboxing very good, but DVD does, you see. So they’ve been waiting – well, I think they LOST it, they forgot they had it! And then the company in Melbourne dug it out, and we’re away. And it’s got some marvellous other footage on it too, because it’s got all the early interviews from that time with Humphries and myself. I did a narration on one of the tracks and Humphries has done one on another track. So I think all the bits and pieces are just as much fun as the actual movie!

Fantastic! So have you had to do a few interviews this time round?

A couple so far, but I think it’s going to build more when it actually hits the stores and everything. Because I’m pushing my ‘Banjo’ at the time, so I’ve got lots of things… my book is coming out in October. So lots of things, I’m talking about everything.

So your book, your autobiography?

Yeah, coming out on Pan MacMillan in October. So it’s all go.

Did you think back in the Seventies that the films would last as long as they have?

I didn’t really think about it. I was glad to have made them, because making films, you know there’s some sort of celluloid footprint left in the annals of Australian cinema. There’s a bit like that. But I had no idea they’d still be – as I say in my book, there’s something magic about this, the Barry McKenzie thing. Because of all the thousands of movies that have been made since that one – that was the first Australian picture to make a million dollars in Australia, and the first Australian picture in 35 years to make a profit! But t the time, I didn’t think of this, but there’s something magic, some magic ingredient, because here we are, thirty years later, people are still talking about us, still want to talk about it. They had a big full page in the Telegraph here today, about how the thirty year anniversary was celebrated in England. And you think of all the other movies, far superior to Barry McKenzie, but we clicked somewhere. Each generation finds it, and continues the legend, I suppose. So there’s something about it that works. Don’t ask me what it is, because if I knew I’d do it again!

It must have been the time, it must have been that magical period…

Oh yeah, it certainly was. But the factors are still going today, so that some of the magic is… I guess it’s part of the Gough Whitlam thing too, you know. The change in Australia where we kind of found our voice a bit. So I suppose that all goes together.

And it’s quite possibly the first movie that actually pokes fun at the national identity.

In a sense yeah, it holds the mirror up, you know. We got a lot of flack at the time. But as both Humphries and me said, “It’s a comedy. It’s supposed to be funny, we’re not being serious.” It’s like saying all Englishmen were Alf Garnett, you know. But it was terrific and I still enjoy it just as much. The fact young kids come up to me today and call me Bazza – it’s good!

How did you get cast for the role?

Oh, I think Humphries – in his drinking days – saw me doing comedy on Sydney television, 1966. And in 1967 we had a lunch, and he suggested that he’d like me to play that part of the character he’d drawn in the last couple of years with Nicholas Garland in London for ‘Private Eye’. And so I said yeah, but then of course nothing happened for six years. Humphries had to clean himself up and get sober, and then Bruce Beresford came on board and Philip Adams and it all came to fruition. But it wasn’t easy, because there were no Australian films being made - it just wasn’t on. The ones that were made were soon relegated to the dusty shelves of the archives, you know. So we made a lot of noise with Bazza. And it went on.

Had you seen the comic strip at the time?

No! No, it was all new to me, because it was banned in Australia.

Oh really?

Oh yeah, it was ‘too rude’, the comic strip was banned here. So it was only in London. Of course, not only the Australians loved it, but all the English people did. That’s why the film was even more successful in England than Australia. They’d all been following Bazza for two years in the comic strip!

So I suppose ex-patriate Australians would have…

But not only that, all the English loved him too. Because he was a stereotype and they could send him up and criticise him and all that.

But it pokes more fun, I think, at the English. And then in the sequel – oh God – at just about everyone else.

Oh yeah, the Communists and all that…

It’s just an absolute free for all.

I don’t know how much you remember about the second one, it’s politically incorrect, but it’s so innocent that…

Yeah, well, referring to Chinese people as the Pekineses…

Yeah – we attacked the frogs – the French – the English and the Communists, right-wing poofters… ALL of them, we had a go at everyone. But as I said, it’s so innocent really. And we hired it out – there’s a guy, hired it out from a similar magazine to ‘Private Eye’ in Sydney here. He hired it, we hired the Chauvel Theatre for one evening. And absolutely packed out. It was all to do with his magazine – packed out, we had all celebrities and things come along there. I hadn’t heard laughs like that – people were just roaring! And I thought, “Shit, it’s got legs this old bugger.” Then the Melbourne company found it, and it’s coming out this month.

Really, just about every line in that film’s a gem.

Yeah!

And it’s really hard for a sequel to come close to the original, but…

What happened in Australia at the time was, because we’d been such a success, everyone started investing in Australian films. And of course, all the press and everything got on to these new productions, which were very classy. Like Picnic At Hanging Rock, etcetara. And so they said, “Wow, we’ve had enough of all that Alvin Purple and Bazza, let’s get on to some real serious filmmaking now.” And so we were neglected a bit. We could have had it come out six months after the first one, it would have been – but coming out a year later was just that little bridge too late, you know? But anyway, I think it’s going to have another successful run this time round.

In the early Seventies, there was very much that cultural cringe.

Oh yeah.

I guess you would have experienced that first hand.

Yep. I was one of those Pommies over there in the sixties, that would travel around with his duffel coat and desert boots and did all that. Hung around Earls Court and you know, I was there, I used to sing in the Overseas Visitors Club and I stayed in, my digs were in a place called Kangaroo House, you know.

Oh really?

Yeah! It’s wonderful isn’t it, but it’s true.

So you spent a few years preparing for the role!

Yeah! I mean, I was there in the Sixties. And I arrived in ’64, I was there for a year, and did all that stuff, with the Beatles… so I was ready for it. But I did have the desert boots, and I did have the duffel coat. With the wooden toggles and all that.

How did the Poms treat you, as a bit of a curiosity?

Well, I think… yes, I think they just, they didn’t take any notice of you at all really! It was only after ‘Bazza’ came out that there was a bit of interest in Australians in a sense. The only Australian they’d been interested in was Donald Bradman or someone like that! There weren’t any – I think people might have known that Dick Bentley was an Australian, but they looked on him as an Englishman. There wasn’t a great deal of impact from Australians. I mean, there were a lot of Australians there, but they became English.

The Seekers and people like that?

Well, no. The Seekers were all right, they were Australian – they came later.

But they appeared very English themselves.

Yes, they were in the mould of the English. But no, later on we stirred up a whole possum’s nest, you see. But initially – listen, when we made the first picture, we wanted Australian extras. So we got all the Australian actors in, and they all had English accents! Totally hopeless for us! You couldn’t say [thick Ozzie accent] “shove a prawn on the barbie,” because the bloke’d say [posh Pommie accent] “oh, would you shove a prawn on the barbie?” I’d say, “No, no, do it Australian, can you do it Australian?” “Oh yes, I come from Sydney.” They’d all had to learn how to be English, you see, so they were hopeless. So we just had to go out and get real Australian backpackers or whatever they were then, and they came in and [REALLY thick Aussie accent] “spoke like Ozztraylians.” And one of those guys was John Clarke! Who came along for the free beer. And we thought he was very funny, naturally. He wasn’t in show business then. And both Humphries and myself encouraged him to go on with it, to write some more lines and be funny. You probably wouldn’t notice him in the first picture, because he had a Bazza hat on, and a big big Viva Zapata moustache! But he had several lines in that crowd, and he sounded Australian. And so that was where that went.

Not bad for a Kiwi!

Yeah! And he went back and created Fred Dagg. And the rest as they say is history!

I guess Beresford was very shrewd, I think, in putting that film together. Because, apart from filling it with such amazing comedic talent like Spike Milligan and Peter Cook, it really looks like he wrung some amazing production values out of what I guess would have been a very small budget.

Yep. Oh it was minute – it wouldn’t even buy the lunches today on a picture. Two hundred and forty thousand dollars! But look at the people we had working on it – we had Don McAlpine as cinematographer. Academy Award winner now, made about fifty big pictures. Gail Tattersall was the assistant cameraman, there was Jane Scott, who produced Shine, she was associate producer, there was John Scott, who’s been editor on big blockbusters… and so the line goes down. There was Richard Brendan, who became a producer. All these incredible technical people as well, all starting off. So we all grew together. And a lot of good things came out of those two pictures.

Just having someone like Peter Cook in there – well, I suppose he WAS ‘Private Eye’!

And Humphries got him in there. But he was drinking badly in those days, and we could only use him in the mornings. Because the delirium tremors would set in after lunch. And it was a bit sad. I was a big fan of Peter’s. And I never really got to know him, or speak to him, because I think it was quite an ask for him just to get through the lines, which would seem to be difficult for him. I know that Barry was talking to him a lot. I think that probably – I mentioned this in my book – where I thought they were just being pals, I got a feeling that Barry might have been trying to talk him into joining Alcoholics Anonymous. Because Barry had been down that road and survived. But I think – well, Peter never did, and by the time he was 58 he was dead.

Well, it’s quite a shock that he lasted as long as he did.

Yeah. But it was a sad thing. And I never really got to know him, like I got to know Spike. Spike was a huge hero of mine, but we could talk. I could talk with Spike and hang out with him. And we became good mates. So that was a bit sad as far as Peter went. But they were all good people. Dick Bentley was lovely, made great mates with Dick, and he was in the second film as well. It was a lovely time, you know.

As you said before, the second film didn’t do as well as the first.

No, it didn’t. It did well enough, but it wasn’t the big success, or didn’t make as much noise, as the first one did. Because that was quite shocking – to everyone really! The first film, the critics hated it. There wasn’t one good review. They said it’s an 8mm mismash, it’s the unfunniest picture ever made, the worst film ever to have graced the screens of Australian cinema… oh, they spewed. And the public said, up you, and were lining up around the block. It played like - which is so much better than today’s films – I mean, we played like seven and eight months in Sydney and Melbourne, and came back for re-runs of it. I mean, it was enormous! Now, I want to see a film, if I don’t go in the first two weeks, its gone before I know it. So what the critics hated, the public loved.

And Phillip Adams managed to piece the budget together, didn’t he?

Yeah, he got it all together. He had a few mates in the Australian Film Institute. That was the first film they financed, you see. And they didn’t know what they were financing, really. I think when Barry Humphries got on the plane, one of the executives came up to him and said, “Now I hope there’s no language in it, or any colloquialisms.” And Barry just looked at him like, “What?! Yeah, of course, no mate, trust us!” It’s all in my book, when they came over to check on us. Because someone said, “I don’t think they’re making the film you think they’re making!” And they came over, and Phillip Adams kept them out of our way. And they never saw anything. They were there for about ten days I think, and did a lot of shopping at Harrod’s, got drunk a lot, and came home and said yes. And I think they were more shocked than anyone else when the film was a success. Because everyone said, “What a marvelous thought! How did you crack onto that! We would never have thought…” Cos all the people they tried to get investment from, all read it – I got a lovely letter from Reg Golsworthy, who said it was impossible and this film would never make it, and it was hopeless, don’t even try. And also the other lovely line that Phillip Adams told me when he took it around to Roadshow – “Would you distribute it?” And they said, they had a look at it, and they said, “Do you know our advice to you?” And he said, “What?” And they said, “Burn it!” And so none of the majors would touch it. It was only through Phillip noticing one of the independents in Melbourne had been running Ryan’s Daughter for about six months to three people a session or something, because they couldn’t get product. He went in there and did a deal, and of course, as they said, the rest is history, once again.

Wow. I suppose that would have been just before Alvin Purple hit it really big.

Oh yeah, we were before Alvin. Alvin came after us. I think they saw that, they were already in the throes of writing it when they heard about how ours was going to be. So Alvin made a lot of noise too, you see. But I think that didn’t help the second picture for Bazza, too, because a coupe of Alvins came out, they made them very quickly and got them out, did well with them. You can make all sorts of reasons, but the second picture – Australian movies today would like to do as well as that one did! But however, it wasn’t as big as the first one. So most people sort of forgot it. And then the fact that it was never seen on the video format. And there you have it.

I thought a very strange appearance in the second film was Fiona Richmond.

Yeah.

Did you know who Fiona Richmond was at the time?

Oh, of course. She was the girlfriend of Paul Raymond, I think he’s the wealthiest man in England still, you know. Owned half of Soho. I’d worked for him, in cabaret in the sixties. So we all knew each other and everything. I’ve got a lovely picture of me and Fiona Richmond, sitting on her car. She had a yellow E-type Jag. And the number plate was ‘FU2’ (laughs). And about two years ago – there was a little piece in the paper, which I kept – that the licence plate had been sold for three hundred thousand pounds. She’s no longer with Paul Raymond. But oh yeah, she was in it. And Little Nell of course was in it – Little Nell, whose father was Alexander the journalist, what’s his first name – can’t think of it. Anyway. There’s all sorts of people in it, if you look. And Clive James of course!

I know! He’s great in it too.

I didn’t know who the hell he was at the time. He just had a notebook and he was writing everything all the time. And of course what he was writing was his hit books! I just thought he was another yobbo, one of Humphries’s yobbo mates! Always unshaven, always smelly and drinking beer all the time. I didn’t really take much notice of him at all.

Now he’s the quintessential Australian ex-pat abroad.

That’s it, yeah.

Any fond memories of the shoot on the second one?

Oh, the whole lot! We went to Paris for two weeks, and how can you not enjoy being in Paris? I think I put on about seven or eight pounds, I remember, at the time.

It must have been just a non-stop party.

It was! I mean, apart from the shooting, we’d shoot in the day. Humphries was in a good mood and we’d go out to naughty nightclubs at night, and we’d eat in great restaurants and have a marvellous time! And then shooting around Paris – it was a ball. I had a lovely time. And lots of fun things happened. Which I’m not going to tell you, because they’re all in my book! BUY THE BOOK! Yes, tell them all, buy the book for more stories!

And how was Gough talked into making an appearance?!

Well, Gough – I’d met him in 1971, before he came into power. And his wife Margaret was a huge fan of my television show, which was called ‘Sound of Music’ in those days. It was a music show. So that’s how I met him, and then of course he was a mate of Phillip Adams and Humphries, and I think that between the three of us, we all said, “It would be lovely to have you in the picture.” And of course, he knew the stuff of legends! And I think that scene where we all come out to meet him has been shown almost as much as the one where he says, “Long may the Queen” or – you know, that speech. So you now – he was the first Australian Prime Minister to appear in a feature film.

And the fact that he was the Prime Minister at the time... even more unreal!

Yes, oh yeah. And of course that’s when she became Dame. “Arise, DAME Edna!” (laughs)

I never thought about that! Oh my God!

So that was when he was made a Dame…when SHE was made a Dame, I should say.

By Australian royalty!

Yeah!

How did you prepare for the role of Bazza? Other than spending a lot of time in Earls Court?

Well, it was just innate in me. I came from working class people, and I knew Bazzas all my life. Working where I worked, apart from eventually getting into acting and singing and all that, I had worked on the wharf, and I shovelled cement...and I knew that guy. I just sort of, in my head I just became seventeen again, I just became him. It wasn’t a big task for me really. I didn't ‘angst’ over anything, I just put my mind back into those days, and became part of those guys.

Because he was a true innocent.

Oh sure. And a nice bloke really. Always stood up for his mates, and even tried to take his little sheila back, off the ‘naughty’ stage. All that stuff.

So I guess that’s how you could get away with saying the politically incorrect things that you did.

Oh sure. I think that was done with such... Bob Ellis who was at that screening, said, “It’s politically incorrect and absolutely marvellous, because it’s done with such an innocent tongue in cheek. He defies anyone to be offended by it.

I’m sure there was a long period, over the last thirty years, that you probably couldn't get away with -

Oh sure! I think of late it’s been a bit stupid, you know. But I think now people are beginning to wake up to it. This is why I think the timing could be right for this, you know. There might be an outcry – mind you, I hope there is! Cos then it makes press, and makes people go out and see what the noise is about.

And it slaps people around the face a bit, and makes them realise that you can actually have humour that isn’t so sanitised.

Yeah, certainly.