Saturday, October 10, 2009

MR BASTARD Interviews


August 1992 to April 1994

Marcus Surly - guitar, vocals

Mark “Gregor” Samson - bass, vocals

Andrew “Stumpy” Leavold - drums

Roland - heavy metal guitar

April 1994 to October 1994

Marcus Surly - guitar, vocals

Mark “Gregor” Samson - bass, vocals

Andrew “Stumpy” Leavold - drums

October 1994 to December 1995, July 1998 to February 2000

Marcus Surly - guitar, vocals

Mark “Gregor” Samson - bass, vocals

Andrew “Stumpy” Leavold - drums

Cal Crilly - guitar

MR BASTARD Interview with Tom Callan

[from Seditious Intent fanzine (December 1993) Brisbane, Australia]

I saw Mr Bastard recently when they played at Studio 694 and decided to drop Stumpy the drummer a line. So this is what I received in the mail in November of 1993. Read on and enjoy...

SI - First of all, who is in Mr Bastard and what do they play?

STUMPY - Screamin' J.Marcus is the throat and rhythm guitar. Gregor plays bass, sings,dances and acts as MC for the evening. The one and only Rowland the heavy metal guitarist is our answer to Kevin Borisch. I beat the fuck out of my drumkit.

Who decided that Mr Bastard would be a worthwhile thing to start?

Rowland wanted a pub-rock band, I-wanted a country metal band,and Marcus was planning a cabaret combo. Gregor likes noise, but then he's on medication. We figured we could play Country-Punk-Metal-Cabaret-Noise at the same time in the same band. Mr Bastard rocks HARD!!

Are any of you in other bands?

We are rufugees from one or more of the following: Strontium Dog, Surly Girls, Queer, Invisible Empire, Voice of the Christian Truckers, Wide-Open Beavers, real fuckin’ punk rock superstars (har de har).

What do you sing about in Mr Bastard songs?

We pay tribute to our idols - the plight of Wally Lewis breaking his leg, Michael Jackson going to hell and getting fucked up the arse by Bubbles, Syd Barret from Pink Floyd comatose on hallucinogens -things that have shaped us as musicians, things that really affect us.

Are you all long haired hippies -Ha Ha!

Why you little wise-ass punk motherfucker! We're all long-hairs but we're too lazy to be hippies. We also enjoy raping the environment. We're trying to grow our beards long like Motorhead.

Does Brisbane have the best punk/hardcore scene in Australia at the moment or what?

Boy, we’ve got enough groin thunder up here to rock the underpants off any of those candy-ass Waterfront Mexican types. The rest of the country's dead south of the waist line. And that's a fuckin' quote.

What do you think of The Onyas? Are Mr Bastard better?

Those college boys can rock hard. They've got the moves, they've got the T-shirts - but they can't drink to save their mothers or their sisters. If those non-drinking rockstar types want to challenge us, the fight is on! We can win the beer gut competition, fists down as well.

Do you get pissed much?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

Can you see Mr Bastard releasing a CD in the near future?

Boy, I can’t even see Mr Bastard getting a fuckin’ paid gig in the near future. “King Wally”, our ode to the Emperor, is on a CD called "Fuck the White Race: The Malignant Xmas Collection", out in January. Tape out soon too.

Could I borrow your drums if I ever get a band together with these fuckwits from Rocky, Garth and Andrew?

Yeah? In your dreams fella! (Get me a woman and a bottle of Tequila and we'll talk about it some more...)

Any message for the legions of SI readers out there?

Mr.Bastard will rock your Bar-b-q HARD (get those beer offers in now).

Well thanks a lot for that Stumpy and good luck with your demo tape and all that.

Wanks For The Mammaries: MR BASTARD Interview with John Henry Calvinist

[originally published in Rave magazine 08/07/98]

Back in the Antediluvian days of the early nineties, a fearsome bastard (“That's Mr Bastard to you...”) of a band bestrode the land; drinking up everyone’s booze, frightening the horses, and generally spreading drunken mirth about the place. And now they're back, with a handsome LP to launch and many tales to tell. Andrew 'Trash' Leavold and Mark 'Gregor' Samson share their precious memories...

All right, so what have you got planned for your triumphant return?

“Just wait till you see the poster... It's got the skyline of Brisbane with the Chicken Monster from The Invasion Of X From Outer Space stomping on West End. It's the chicken that ate Brisbane. We've always been a chicken band... well, fake chicken anyway. But with real grease."

“In a party pack with the Colonel."

"And a couple of condoms, with the special lace tie you can put around various parts..."

"Aren't we supposed to be talking about our album launch?"

“We've gotta get some go-go dancers..."

“We have got them, we just haven't got cages. We're thinking of importing some Filipino midgets - they'll fit into cockatoo cages. You can fit about five of them on top of an amp, you know.”

"I saw this wonderful band in Seattle called Leatherboy - they consisted of a drummer, a guitarist and a go-go dancer... and they really rocked. They put Mudhoney to shame."

We now resume our 'regular' programming...

“Well, we've got lots of special guests lined up, including (of course) the legendary Garth Anonymous reprising his famous version of “King Of The Fuckin' Road”. Unfortunately, we won't be able to duplicate that time at a ZZZ Market Day, when he poked his head around the side of the stage - in the middle of the song - and started singing, “There's two people having sex out the back.” They started before the show, and when we finished, they were still going for it. All you could see were these buttocks going up and down near the fence."

“And, apparently, they were reported afterwards as saying, ‘Great fuckin' band’."

"That's a true story, too."

'Things like that seem to happen to us a lot."

Given that you'd had such a consistent career of marvellously shoddy performances, what made you actually get in there and practice so's you could deliver such a together- sounding record?

"Well, we didn't. The whole thing was done in an afternoon - no retakes, no outtakes... just one song after another. We were just inspired Bastards for once...”

“I can see the next Mr Bastard release being an interactive CD. With a board game. We've just got to buy a couple copies of Hustler so we can make up the pieces...”

"The prancing penis, that sort of thing."

Enough of that, you filthy swine... maybe you'd better tell us some more band history before we end up with an X rating.

'Well, we should talk about the Roland years..."

"I remember our very first practice, you all plugged in your instruments and I got behind the drums and started going THUMPATHUMPATHUMPA... and Roland waltzed in, looking like Richie Blackmore, switched on his amp and launched into some ludicrous seventies rock riff. And, we're all going THUMPATHUMPA... uh? Excuse me?”

"He was kinda like a guy wearing a tutu in the middle of a biker bar.”

"And with him in the band, we managed to end up bigger losers than we ever thought possible.”

"I thought I was badly incompetent in Strontium Dog, but he just took it to heights."

“Every song started sounding like Cream - it didn't matter what the hell we were playing, he was just off somewhere... and eventually he didn't come back."

Such was the lure of Turtlebox...

"It's great to have the band together again at the most racist bigoted wonderland period in the state's history. 'Cause now we can really piss people off. These days, all you'd have to do is wear a cow suit on stage, and you'd be accused of undermining the beef industry, or something. Especially if you had a midget businessman pelting him with sushi...'

Sounds like you've thinking hard about this.

"Well, there are definite possibilities...”

“What else should we have in the interview?”

“We need a page 3 girl. Definitely."

Brisbane badly needs its bastards. And, now they're back! If you've not had the dubious pleasure, imagine a drunken punkrock extravaganza, stylistically awash sometime in the mid-seventies, that's surprisingly powerful musically. Brisbane's got more than its share of joke bands, but Mr Bastard are something special. For a start, they're a genuine rock'n'roll band - as the LP, “Weel You Wank Me?”, amply demonstrates. So, get off your arses, and get yourself some real entertainment.

[Lawrence English's interview with Cal originally published in Timeoff Magazine, 17/02/99]

MR BASTARD Gigography Part 1 (1993-1994)

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

02/04/93 - Debut show at Omniscient Gallery, Woolloongabba w/Acid World, Invisible Empire, Dogmachine

Review from Rave magazine 07/04/93: I can’t really make a judgement on Mr Bastard, just that they were complete pisswrecks by the time they made it on stage at about two thirty. They opened with a distorted cover of Roger Miller’s “King Of The Road” then ploughed into a cover of something I didn’t recognize. Apparently some of their songs were about Michael Jackson and Wally Lewis but the lads could hardly stand up, let alone play. I left before they’d finished - something I’d never done brefore - but I won’t write them off now. I’ll wait till next time to do that. (Chris Rodda)

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

23/04/93 - The Zoo, Fortitude Valley w/Dogmachine

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

04/07/93 - Her Majesties, City w/Acid World, The Onyas, The Fred Band

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

06/08/93 - Holus Bolus Benefit, The Zoo, Fortitude Valley w/AIM, Fat, Clag, Chopper Division, Stella 7, Pleasure For The 6th Sense

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

13/08/93 - Studio 694, Fortitude Valley w/Acid World, Queer

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

17/09/93 - “Freakworld”, Royal George, Fortitude Valley w/The Fred Band, Hateman, DV8

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1993

19/12/93 - Malignant Xmas Party at “Club Loser”, Omniscient Gallery, Woolloongabba w/Not From There, Queer

19/02/94 - Party at Broadway St, Woolloongabba w/The Onyas

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1994

12/03/94 - CANCELLED APPEARANCE AT “FUCK THE WHITE RACE” CD LAUNCH (Roland left the band due to Turtlebox commitments)

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1994

16/07/94 - Party at 7 Speedy St, Red Hill

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1994

29/07/94 - Holus Bolus Benefit at Kurilpa Hall, West End w/Inebriated, Cameron, The Alien Virus Casio Show

?/09/94 - Party in Spring Hill

Friday, October 9, 2009

MR BASTARD Gigography Part 2 (1994-1995)

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1994

20/10/94 - 4ZZZ Punk Rock Show Benefit at Babble-On, City w/The Fred Band, Big Bongin’ Baby, The Onyas, Inebriated, The No-Counts, Strutter

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1994

21/10/94 - HEMP Benefit at The Roxy (now The Arena), Fortitude Valley w/Chopper Division, Turtlebox, Victims Of Noah, Invisible Empire, Rollo & Friends, Heather & Cal, Slied, Toilet Doilies

25/11/94 - 3 songs at the Opening Party at Scrabble, Fortitude Valley

Review from Melbourne zine Salty And Delicious #4 (1995): ...At this point the core membership of Mr Bastard suddenly rushed the stage for an uninvited (but welcome) set of their obnoxious 3-chord punk-rawk. And I loved it! Which surprised the hell out of me. Grigor looks (and rocks) like a throwback from the late ‘70s (this is mingled with a sort of Frankenstein’s monster kind of appeal) and despite my feelings on his literary excursions I hafta admit that Stumpy is a sight to behold on the drums. Sadly they were kicked off stage before they could cover “Bad Politics”. (Richard Salty)

26/12/94 - CANCELLED Big Bongin’ Baby 7” launch w/The Onyas, Strutter, The No-Counts, Brother Brick, The Disciples

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1995

11/03/95 - Melbourne Hotel, West End w/The Onyas, Alien Virus

29/04/95 - 4ZZZ Market Day, Musgrave Park, West End w/Dreamkillers, Cruciform, Powderfinger, RF Brahm, Custard, Flicker, Lewd, Biro, SPDFGH, Gravelrash, Frenzal Rhomb, Bulldozer, Elevation, Lavish and more

03/06/95 - World Environment Day, Albert Park, City

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1995

06/04/95 - Babble-On, City w/The Onyas, Big Bongin’ Baby, Strutter, Corne (later The Money, I think)

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1995

22/04/95 - Kurilpa Hall, West End w/Sloth, Vortex, Dregs Of Humanity, Zygote

19/05/95 - 3 songs at Scrabble, Fortitude Valley w/Tripod, Cardigan, Turnpike

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1995

19/06/95 - 4ZZZ Live To Air, Fortitude Valley (2 tracks, "Preesoner" and "Heinrich Eissler", were released on the WEEL YOU WANK ME? album, 1998)

Review from Rave Magazine, August 1995

28/07/95 - Empire Hotel, Fortitude Valley w/The Iron Sheiks, The Onyas, Big Bongin’ Baby

29/07/95 - Melbourne Hotel, West End w/The Iron Sheiks, Blowhard, Loose, Gasoline, Bush Punk Cowboys (I don’t remember a thing about this gig - did it really happen?)

Double-sided flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1995

26/08/95 - Melbourne Hotel, West End w/The Onyas, Big Bongin’ Baby, State Of Mind

26/12/95 - Boxing Day Party at Holus Bolus Bookshop, West End

MR BASTARD Gigography Part 3 (1998-2000)

16/05/98 - Kentsch’s first birthday in New Farm (Gregor and I as a 2 piece!)

Both flyers by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1998

10/07/98 - “Weel You Wank Me?” LP launch, Railway Hotel, Woolloongabba w/Godnose, Schmuck, Standing 8 Counts, Cool Millions, JJ Speedball & The Jammers

Review from Rave magazine 22/07/98: ...And on to the point of it all, with Mr Bastard and special guests. And new songs, courtesy the globe-trotting Gregor. Let’s see, there was “Happy Groovy” - which was “Louie Louie” with a facelift and shoddy liposuction... and at least one other “Happy” thing. Then, there were the old favourites - two shots at “King Of The Fuckin’ Road”, as well as the greasily disreputable “Sex Bomb”, all with Garth on vocals. A handful of honking and squealing sax punkers, the bawling romanticism of the “Theme From Prisoner” (“secondhand old farts” indeed) and all the rest their old fans had come to hear.

My particular highlight came when Marcus handed over his guitar to John Onya and proceeded to leap about like a randy stick-insect during that ode to PC that is forever “Woman”. But Hell, the entire thing was great. When God made greaser-rock, the Sex Pistols, frat-rock, Motorhead, and just all-round cheesy stupidity with a big beat, he saved a little over (and a lot of the last) to make Mr Bastard. And, whilst the baggy-shorts funnypunk of Schmuck may have got the kids’ vote at the end, me and the other geriatrics, rockin’ home with our walking frames, were rockin’ to Mr Bastard, let me tell you... (John Henry Calvinist)

13/08/98 - The Chelsea, Fortitude Valley w/The Invisible Empire, Neil Armstrong Experience, Broken Hand

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1998

31/10/98 - Treasury Hotel, City w/The Onyas (“Six” album launch), Big Bongin’Baby, The Busymen, Cool Millions, The Money, Strutter, The Hymies

21/11/98 - Beerstock 5 at The Railway Hotel Woolloongabba w/Godnose, The Onyas, Dream Poppies, Knaw, Post Life Disorder, Rufus Baton, Mouthguard, Bezza And The Bandits, Mainstay, Homebrand, Yoink, Ramonettes

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1999

19/02/99 - The Capitol, Woolloongabba w/John Onya & The Wrong ‘Uns, Schmuck, The Hymies

13/03/99 - Orient Hotel, City w/New Bomb Turks, The Onyas, The Fred Band

Both flyers by me (c) Andrew Leavold 1999

28/08/99 - Railway Hotel, Woolloongabba w/The Fuck Fucks, Elvis & The Burger Kings, The Fred Band, The Hymies, Big Bongin’ Baby, Dregs Of Humanity, Ghetto Blaster, Gravel Samwidge, The Cool Millions, Super Friend Tuffs

Flyer by me (c) Andrew Leavold 2000

12/02/00 - Final ever show, Shamrock Hotel, Fortitude Valley w/Bloodsucking Freaks, Cool Millions, The Hymies, Invisible Empire (now Lost Domain), The Aampirellas. Four-piece lineup joined by Roland on third guitar (!!!), and Cathy Tabouli in cowgirl costume.

MR BASTARD Discography


1. Mr Bastard: BUGGER WITH BERNARD The Rowland Years 1992-1994 Cassette album, self-released, 1994

Demo Side (recorded by John Henry Calvinist in Woolloongabba October 1993):

1. King Of The Road

2. King Wally

3. Michael Jackson

4. I’m Not A Slut

5. Woman

6. Prisoner

7. Heinrich Eissler

8. Sid Barrett

Live Side (* Club Loser 19/12/93, **Party at Woolloongabba 19/02/94):

1. Woman*

2. Rohypnol 25*

3. Mary M*

4. King Of The Fuckin’ Road**

5. Son Of Sid**

6. Prisoner**

7. Ring Of Fire**

8. Senor Potatohead**

2. “King Wally” on Various Artists: FUCK THE WHITE RACE: THE MALIGNANT XMAS COLLECTION compilation CD, Malignant Records thru Siren, 1994 (Tumor 010)

Taken from the BUGGER WITH BERNARD cassette

3. “Mary M” (live, date/venue unknown) on Various Artists: COALITION AGAINST POLICE VIOLENCE compilation cassette, Holus Bolus anarchist collective, 1994

4. “Sex Bomb Baby” on Various Artists: NEVER MIND NIRVANA, HERE’S BOLLOX Cassette compilation, APITO, 1995 (APITO 020)

Flipper cover recorded live at the Melbourne Hotel, West End 11/03/95 with Cameron “Bollox” Borg on vocals

5. “Link Wray” (Tijuana Radio Mix) on Various Artists: THE DEAD SET Double cassette compilation, Shy Tone, 1997

Remix of the WEEL YOU WANK ME? track complete with record scratches

From John Henry Calvinist's liner notes for The Dead Set: ...And, of course, we can’t forget Mexico.

The border station era was inaugurated in 1930, when Dr JR Brinkley’s XER began operations in Villa Acuna, Mexico. Brinkley had formerly operated a station at Milford, Kansas, where he had pushed his goat-gland operation, designed to restore sexual potency to men.

The tragic explosion in Brinkley’s Tijuana Goat-Gland Extraction Planet, in the year following his relocation to Mexico was, of course, hushed-up - a process that was aided by the drift of mutagenic fumes away from the town itself, finally settling on the isolated village of El Bastardo. The five women in that ill-fated hamlet who were pregnant all bore prematurely... and their strange offspring grew stranger with the passage of time.

Rumoured to be the instigators of Los Angeles’ infamous Mexican ‘Zoot Suit Riots’ in 1943 (prior to their teenage years) when heckling of local white thugs prompted massive violence, they early showed signs of musical talent, only to be kicked out of every mariachi band they managed to infiltrate; mostly due to heavy drinking, fighting on the bandstand, and insulting everyone within earshot. This version of “Tijuana”, the Link Wray classic, is an unreleased acetate dating from their pachuco punk days of the early 60s, just pior to their flight to Australia after jumping bond from a series of armed robbery charges. And no, I don’t know where they live...

6. Mr Bastard: WEEL YOU WANK ME? clear vinyl LP, Shy Tone (SHY 08), 1998

Recorded September/October 1995 by “Ennox” (Bryce) on 4-track at Wynnum Manly Retard Disco (*recorded 19/06/95 - 4ZZZ Live To Air)


1. “Surfboard” (surf version of “Let’s Lynch The Landlord” by Dead Kennedys)

2. “Woman”

3. “Saint Jesus”

4. “Link Wray”

5. “Mary M.”

6. “Satellite” (Sex Pistols)

7. “I’m Not A Slut” (Surly Girls)

8. “Senor Potatohead”


1. “Michael Jackson”

2. “Heinrich Eissler”*

3. “Prisoner Theme”* (TV theme, listed here as “Preesoner”)

4. “New Song”

5. “King Of The Fuckin’ Road” (Roger Miller).

Guests: John Onya (guitar) on “Woman”, Richard Stanley (harmonica) on “King...”, Tina Sexymophone (sax) on “Link Wray”, Greg Hilleard (guitar) on “”Michael Jackson”

7. “King Of The Fuckin’ Road” on Various Artists: EGO EGO EGO - A TRIBUTE TO THE ONYAS, Dropkick Records (BEHIND 011), 2001

Taken from the WEEL YOU WANK ME? LP


1. Strutter: The Judge

2. Hairy Pie: My Bike Sucks (traditional)

3. Los Ass-Draggers: Professional Wanker

4. Royal Doulton: Rick Stanley

5. Sugar Shack: Thee Crusaders

6. Big Bongin' Baby: Islam Panty Rock

7. Stuntcar Drivers: Violent Town

8. New Bomb Turks: Good On Ya Baby (X)

9. Iron Sheiks: Tour Of Duty

10. Mr Bastard: King Of The Road (Roger Miller)

11. Mustang: Sydney Girl (live)

12. Richie Ramone's Gay Heterosexual Detonators: I Am A Fuckup

13. Hands Of Time: Filthy Rich

14. The Hymies: Going To See The Onyas

15. Cosmic Psychos: Custom Credit (live)

16. The Wrong 'Uns: No-Count Theme

17. The Crusaders: Deep Shyte (We Fore Art Thereinthe)

18. Los Perros: Motherfuckin' Motherfucker (Bored!)

19. Asteroid B-612: Fresh Rag (Iggy And The Stooges)

20. The Sailors: Jahoobies & Katangas

21. The Onyas: We Are The Onyas

8. “Woman” on Various Artists: DRUNKS, GUNS AND LIVESTOCK IN THE STREETS Live At The Turkeyneck Bar & Grill 1979-2001, Turkeyneck Records, 2001 (TN 02)

Taken from the BUGGER WITH BERNARD cassette