"A-Z of Euro-Horrors" from my fanzine STUMPY V (early 1994): A valiant attempt to catalogue all Italian, Spanish, French and German horrors on Australian video in the 80s/early 90s. Keep in mind these opinions are at least 15 years old and thus may have changed over the years! CLICK FOR LARGER, READABLE VERSIONS
FRED NEGRO the STUMPY interview
[Originally published in Stumpy V, early 1995]ST KILDA DRINKING LEGEND... COUNTRY & WESTERN STAR... CARTOONIST... EXHIBITIONIST... CHICKEN FUCKER...
Fred: G’day. How’s it hangin'?
The Brady Bunch Lawnmower Massacre is no more?
Yep, that's correct. We split up about three weeks ago, had our final ever ever EVER Show at the Prince of Wales.
Why the final ever EVER? What happened?
I don't know. We're just a pack of confused pricks! We always have been.
Millie: Daddy, sing all the bits!
Fred: Nah, I'm not gonna sing the answers!
Whose decision was it?
We all came to the same decision at the same time at different places. After the penultimate gig we decided, "Ah, let's make the last our last one!" "Yeah, OK!” Nobody thought about it too hard!
What was the last show like?
The last one was probably one of the best ones we've ever done. Then people started talking about, “Gee I wish you weren't splitting up an' everything, an' youze were one of the great bands" and all this, and we were goin' "Why the fuck didn't you turn up to any of our gigs in the last seven years?"
No chance of a reunion gig like the Gravies used to do?
Nah, not in Melbourne. But we might do our last ever show in Queensland or Sydney. 'Cause maybe our fans are up there anyway.
Why would you bother going to Sydney anyway? (anti-NSW prejudice starting to show...)
Because every time it was bigger than the Beatles! Bigger than the Gravies ever were.
Tell me about Shonkytonk, how did that come about?
On the last night of the Brady Bunch, we were playing with a band called Teddy Turner and the Bunsen Burners, and I got pissed with the drummer and the guitarist and said, "Hey, why don't we form a band?" And they said, "Top idea, ah's always wanned to work wiv you ... are you gonna root cantelopes?" An' I said "P’raps!” For years and years I've been trying to get a country band together. These blokes can actually play it.
You're getting sick of playing in a rock’n’roll band?
Nah, no way. Every band I ever got together - the Gravies, Brady Bunch - I started out giving a tape to all the muso’s of country songs that I wanted to play. And I thought that'd be a good start...
The Band Who Shot Liberty Valence got pretty close.
Yeah, but they turned into one of the biggest rah-rah bands of all! They were sorta country-rock. Shonkytonk is probably like The Band Who Shot. Nothing at all like the Brady Bunch. The main difference is all the musicians have got their own equipment (laughs), know how to play, and can play hardcore country. Lap steel, stuff like that. They can play rah-rah if they want to - at any given time I could turn around to the band and say, "Crank it up and let's go for it", and they will 'cause I'm the director! (laughter)
What do you get out of country that you don't get from rock n'roll?
You can hear the words! (laughs) It just appeals to more people.
What, COUNTRY?
Yeah. You can get more jobs too. I like working a lot. I'll play anywhere. But you
wouldn't be able to play anywhere with the Brady Bunch. Bit too rah-rah. We virtually got one gig every two months or somethin', and then no-one would turn up. An' I just thought, "Well, SHIT!” We were HATED.
So most of your good gigs were interstate.
A few in Tasmania. We knocked that on the head when we toured over there, 'cause we wouldn't play "Achy Breaky Heart". So I just gave them a half-hour rave-on, on how that gives country music a bad name. After about two hours of yelling out for it we finally DID do it, but we did it like a Nick Cave, Birthday Party arty dirge. Slowed down to the max. But they were rapt, they finished their drinks and left after that! (laughs) They're all a bunch of hippies, they sit on the floor and drink water in Tasmania. I couldn't believe it, we were doin' the whole show, three sets, NUDE, the whole band. I was rootin' a (undecipherable - could be a cantelope), they're all still sittin' on the floor crosslegged! They get stoned before they go, and drink water.
What were the Queensland shows like?
It was GREAT. Best gigs I've ever played. I'd do that (boat cruise) every week if I was living in Queensland. It's a really civilized thing too. You can smoke dope if you want to, be as loud as you like.
What about when you toured Brisbane with the Gravies, did you have any problems then?
No, we played one gig in Brisbane, the Outpost. It was a riot! And all these people were saying, 'cause we got there early drinking with them, "Oh, you better watch out, the Vice Squad'll be turning up." Never did!
Did you ever resurrect that Roger Miller set you did on the Brady Bunch boat cruise?
Oh yeah, we did that all the time. We were gonna record that. We were gonna record an album, Shock were gonna put it out, three weeks before we split up. On the Friday night Scotty came into the pub and said, "Shock said they didn't wanna pay for that expensive studio - we're just a shit band, they want us to record in a loungeroom or somewhere, or a cheaper place." Thanks for telling us! And we never got around to rehearsing again.
Didn't you record the first record (CONTACT POOL) in sorneone's living room?
Yeah. 'Stupid Studios', just behind Vic Park in Collingwood. Simon Grounds used to be in a band called Shower Scene from Psycho, and it's just an eight-track that he's got set up in his house. He's a mad scientist sitting up in his engineering room, his living room's just old fuckin' valves and things outta Frankenstein! The first one was better.
The sound was pretty muddy on the new album (DESPERATE FOOTBALL)...
The 24-track one.
You can hardly hear the vocals most of the time.
Exactly. That's ‘cause...I never wanna be there when it's being mixed anyway, sends me to sleep - and I left Paul and Gary, and Gary fell asleep, so Paul pushed up the bass really loud, and - grouse! Kept up the bass and fucked the vocals. I told him that, and he said, "Ah, no-one listens to the words anyway!" How come you can hear the words on other records? The best was probably 'Bourbon Bound", 'cause that was recorded in another session. Somebody actually 'produced' that. And "I'm Sensational", that came out good, the country one.
You mentioned about twelve months ago you were thinking about putting out a solo album.
Well, I was thinkin' about that when the band split up, 'cause Shock still wanted the Bradies only. DESPERATE FOOTBALL sold really well, and it had interest overseas like in England, reviews where they were saying, “Forget Nirvana and the Butthole Surfers, THIS is the party band of the yearl” So I was thinking of approaching them and doin' me with several bands. You could have the best of the songs with the Gravies, the Gravybillies, the Brady Bunch, the new ones, and a bunch of country stuff - like a history sorta thing. At the time a mate of mine who’s been playing in bands for ten years was doing a ten year anniversary thing in the press, and he got all these bands together on the one night. It would've been like a 'History of St Kilda music' night, listening to it. Unfortunately he got headbutted in the Abbo park beforehand and ended up in hospital! I was thinkin' of something like that. Whether they'd go for that or not ... What I wanted to do for the Brady's album was to make it so it was a straight commercial radio show, with ads and things in between every second song, and DJs...
Like the silly shit you used to put on Gravy's records?
Yeah, but a bit more like a complete radio show. You click on the radio, and “our album of the week is the Brady Bunch", blah blah ... p’raps someone's twiddling the dials and they get a country station. With Shonkytonk it's not gonna be a straight country thing.
Twisted...?
Yeah. I think you have to be about sixty, you had to’ve gone through a lot of heartbreak to be a true country singer.
You haven't been through the shit yet?
I've had too much of a happy life! And it reflects in the songs in the songs, I think. I wanted to write the "I'm So Fuckin' Happy To Be Living In St Kilda Blues", a straight country song with really positive lyrics... We'll be doin' a few Roger Miller songs in Shonkytonk. "If You Ever Wanna Get Depressed, Come To This Town". Whichever town we're sittin' in, we'll dedicate it to. Our first gig's in Geelong so we'll definitely do it.
How did the Brady Bunch go down in Geelong?
Great! It was like going to Sydney or Queensland. But the last coupla times we played there was about four people. The night we played there with Blowhard and the Fred Band was probably the best gig I've ever seen in my life! There was about twenty people, but jeez it was good.
I heard Coral Outcrop (from the Fred Band, what a chick!) was an honorary member of the Gravybillies with her lagerphone.
Yep. We used to have a pool cue player for years. He went to this pub, got accused of stealing or somethin', decided that this pub was fucked, so he left and hasn't played with any bands since. He's hung up his pool cue.
The Gravybillies are playing after all these years?
Yeah. We never stopped, no real need to. Can hardly get jobs anymore.
Didn't you used to have a residency at the Espy every Friday?
They came down with an attack of good tastel (laughter) Can't think why, 'cause we were drawin' a good crowd. We used to support Frente! (more laughter). Probably got shitted off 'cause we were real arseholes when we got in the bandroom after we'd finished. Alex (Sandy the cue player) used to try and crack onto any sheila who was in any band.
How old is he?
About sixty.
That would've looked pretty!
Nah, shocking! He had his pool cue - “Allo dahlin’!" While the girls were doing their workouts held try to sniff their cunts!
How did you con Polyester into releasing the Gravybillies?
I can't remember - it was his idea, Paul Elliott's.
You reckon it only sold ten copies?
Yeah. I'll tell you an interesting story. Paul from the Brady Bunch went overseas last year, he was in LA at the hippest nightclub there, some grunge band who was spectacularly huge that week was about to play, and just before the sound guy was playing tapes through the PA. And he was standing there with his new-found American friends talkin' shit, and the Gravybillies tape came on! (laughs) He turns around and goes, "Fuck! I left Australia to get away from this shitl” How the fuck did it end up there? The 'Ringy-Poo Song"! It's pretty big at the Hopetown in Sydney too, they always play that over the public bar. But that must be three, there's seven other people that bought it. That was a good night actually, we advertised it that we were gonna record it at like seven o'clock Thursday night when there were never any bands on at the time, upstairs in the lounge. Come about eight o'clock everything's set up, microphones, audience - we said 'People aren't pissed enough, we'll wait until everyone's fuckin' MAGGOTTED!" (laughs) We did a warmup set that was great. We didn't record it - we should've recorded that one!
You sounded pretty...
GONE! By the time we started it was about 11.30.
You can hear the barmaids coming up supplying you with the beer!
A good start was the publican said "Fuck off!" (laughs)
How often do you play these days?
Gravybillies? We played twice this year. And we've got another one at Xmas time.
What was the band you had Sherine and Zan in the early 80's?
It was Sherine - The Editions.
That was you on drums? (“Yeah.”) What sort of music was it?
Bit of everything. It went for four years, and we used to live in Acland St. We were the most hated band in Melbourne! We used to change our set every week. That's all we did - we had no money, and we'd just rehearse, write songs, and we had residences all over the place. Nobody used to come, except half a dozen kids.
With Sherine and a name like “Editions” you'd expect an I'm Talking kinda band.
No way! We had everything. Like on our first gig we opened with a pure country song at a punk venue and pissed everyone off, then did a Ramones song. Like I said, wrote, wrote, wrote, ANY style of music. Then we had bubble machines and smoke machines (laughs) and fuckin' all that shit when it was really uncool to have it. KISS-type stuff.
What happened when it finally fizzled out?
When Sherine left - she got a big offer from the Industry, “I'll make you a star baby, meh meh meh" - they said "What we want is for you and Fred, get rid of the other guys in the band, get a band together." Saw these fledgling talents (laughs). She was just a yobbo like any of us. Still is. When she left we kept goin' for another year with everyone else singing whatever song they'd written. That's when I started writing songs and singing behind the drums ... they said to me after a year of it, the blokes in the band, “You gotta stop kickin' yer drums over and you gotta stop SPITTING!” I said "Fuck youse", hung up me drum sticks! And about six months after that I met these two little kids with mohawks, Scotty and Jason, they said "I liked yew in the Editions, I loved the way you used to kick the drums over and spit, wanna join our band? We've got a drummer already, can you come and punch him out? (laughter) We're called Community Worry.” I said, "How about we call it I Spit On Your Gravy?” They went, "Uh? That doesn't sound like a punk band!” (laughter)
Whose idea was it for you to become the frontman?
It was mine. In the Gravies I used to sing two songs. But it was just like a comedy part, a novelty part, where I'd come out and root a chook (laughs) and sing "Piranha". Then I started writing more songs and Scotty started getting more into the drums. It became a unique band in a way.
The stories about rooting chickens were true!
Oh yeah...I always did that in the Gong Show, that's where that came from. Paul Elliott used to run the Gong Shaw at certain venues. It would be, get up and do any act you want, and then have a panel and get gonged off, fucked off. And I came up with the idea with him 'cause we couldn't get enough acts on certain nights. I'd just do ANYthing. I'd write out little things and get the panel to read ‘em and then I'd act 'em out, like a one-act play. Get a roast chook, and fuckin'... (laughs) there's an act! And that just became really popular, and eventually they started bringing pig's heads on, and the chook was givin' birth to little quails, and I was fucking all sorts of things! Where was it - Horsham? Portland? - they were promoting the Gong Show like a family show, y'know, sit down and have a three-course dinner, bring the family, grannies to kids, and then there'd be whole football clubs, and they'd pay $21. The host was going, "Listen, it's been promoted wrong," just at the start of the show, "If you're referring to any language it gets worse as the show goes alongl” "And don't do the live act!" At that point they were throwing things at the gong, and they were saying to me, "Don't go on! There's grandmothers, there's kids..." I said, "This has to be my crowning achievement' So I went out there in just me jocks, and big dribble hangin' off me chin, with the roast chook. A bloke who’s in Shonkytonk now, the guitarist, he was the narrator, the Butcher From Brighton - he stood behind the gong and read out a beautiful narration. I started rootin' this chook (laughs) and this whole table, they're throwing chairs at me! The whole football team, and grannies are having heart attacks, and grabbing their kids by the ears and takin' them out. Smashing pots everywhere, getting cut to the shithouse ... I didn't care. I just had to do it 'cause THEY NEEDED IT! And then they wouldn't pay us unless we put on a public apology in the paper for all that shit. And the chicken act was deleted from the act everywhere we went after that. But every town heard about it, the whole place’d be packed, all the people would be banging on the table screaming, “We want the chicken act!” (laughter) So I'd go out really quickly, go... (makes rooting gestures) and throw the chicken at them! And everyone was starvin' on the tour, so they'd always start eatin' the chook!
Apart from ST KILDA’S ALRIGHT getting busted by the Vice Squad, how much trouble did you get in while you were in I Spit On Your Gravy?
I didn't...just the band couldn't play for about a year unless we changed the name. When we played at the Seaview Ballroom which is now shut down - that was one of the reasons it was shut down! - a bloke just happened to walk in on a normal Wednesday night, The Gravies were playing with a band called Depression, Mohawk Smeer an' that, and it was a top night full of punk rockers, and we were all having a ball. I organized a 'Dick Competition' with the audience (laughter). This bloke decided this can't be happening in THIS pub, so he went to shut it down. Next day in the papers, page 3 of the Sun, “Band's Act Lewd and Depraved", and it described the whole show. We were supposed to be playing at the St Kilda Festival that week. They just cancelled us, and it became a big snowball. Pubs said “We're not booking you” for about a year at all.
This is after the record (ST KILDA’S ALRIGHT) came out?
Yeah. We played Boomers, and (?) got on the radio and said, "That band will never work in Australia again!” That was a bit of alright. They tore the fence down between the stage and the audience, 'cause we were getting the crowd to get up on stage. The roadies were throwing them off. I said, "Fuck them, everybody get up here!" They tore the fence down and fuckin' got up there. Kym the Crazy Clown was running around with a fuckin' lawnmower, rooting this lawnmower! (laughter) He was trying to run over the cables. The roadie was goin' “This fuckin' band's beserk!" It was raining, there was only 'bout a thousand people standing there. We filmed it from the mixing desk and there was just a huge line of coppers all the way around the whole thing. There were aboriginals tryin' to kill me afterwards - my opening thing, I grabbed the mike and said, "Isn't ‘Boomera’ aboriginal for 'let's have a shit’?" (laughter) They chased me through the park for months there. Coppers were pulling me over on the street and rippin' off me shirt - I had a shirt with the word 'fuck' written on it or something - goin' “Hah, Fred, we got yer again!" Go into court every second week, $200 fine. “You're on the dole?" "Yeah.” "Suspended fine, two hundred bucks.”
What about the handbills you did?
That was around the same time. One had this bloke rooting a sheep up the arse, and a kangaroo standing with a huge erection saying "I'll go slops". The other one was a Christmas party for the Gong Show. I don't know why they picked on this, I've done far worse - that had a sheila straddlin' a bloke, the Unknown Comics, y'know, with paper bags on their heads, no dicks goin' up their twats or anything, just she's holding a bottle of champagne going "WHOOSSH!!” It was called “The Best Fuckin' Xmas Party Ever” but the champagne was hittin' the word "Fuckin’" and covering it up. So “Gee”, I couldn't believe that one. The other one, fair enough. But that's what the bloke wrote out exactly what he wanted on his handbill. And then when I said "That's what they wanted me to do", he denied every-thing, "Oh no...” They should've been charged, not me. The coppers came out to my home, and I was drawing this thing for Melbourne Uni, sorta comedy night called 'Lust Revue', and they had these dicks tapdancing, fuckin' balls an' all. The coppers came to the door and they came in and said, "We’re gonna charge you with obscene handbills blah blah blah”, and he looks over his shoulder and goes, “We'd get you for that one too, but uni's are alright, but these handbills go around all the resident's cars an' things." I said 'Bullshit, ST KILDA!"
Were you a big fan of cowboys as a kid?
Yeah. I used to play Cowboys and Indians, Robbers, all the capguns and little outfits and little outfits and cardboard hats - the same outfit I wore in later years in the Gravybillies! (laughs)
Is there any reason why there's a question mark (on Fred's cowboy hat)?
I'm the Questionable Cowboy! (laughs) This bloke came into the pub about five years ago, this yank bloke, said he was rich. He got pissed, but there was only Alex in the bar, he got pissed with him, then I came in. I used to wear a cardboard cowboy hat. An' he said “Oh, that's not a real cowboy hat!” Alex told him I played in the Gravybillies. This big loudmouth Texan said he was gonna bring me a real one. We were waiting about six months, he comes in, he's got a gold Mickey Mouse watch for Alex and a beautiful stetson for me, this one (points to his head). Which five beavers died for! (laughter) I thought, “Oh, fuckin' beauty”, grabbed me texter and put a question mark on it. He goes "Argh! That’s a three hundred dollar hat, boy!” I said, “It's worth more now, you watch!" It got kidnapped once in Sydney and held to ransom. I had to draw a cartoon of Footy Mouth in a Geelong jumper to get it back. They sent a ransom note cut outta newspapers, y’know, “We have your hat"! And it was gone for six months.
When did you start drawing?
As a kid. About eight years old I was drawing comics. I had Blue Man, he was drawn with a blue biro, Black man was drawn with a black biro - they were all stick figures. There was Man With No Head, a stick figure with no head, he was my favourite character.
You went to Prahran college?
Yeah, for about four years. They told me you cou dn't make a living outta being a cartoonist. I said "Bullshit, I betcha I can!" (laughs) And they said you gotta do other stuff like photography, an’ this and that, airbrushing, painting...use letraset, don't always freehand ... I said “Bullshit!” So I ended up learning how to drink that year. I did everything the night before, the whole year's worth of work.
Wasn’t there a problem you had with Inpress?
Yeah. The printers in Geelong refused to print Inpress if the 'Pub' strip was in it.
Why?
'Cause they started reading it, and they started becoming the moral guardians of someone, whereas they're just fuckin' dumb-shit printers! They should do their jobs instead of becoming the editor. So they started whiting out whole panels an' stuff, charicatures of people...
Anything they disapproved of?
Yeah. They didn't like that...It all started with one of Gordon Elliott, Hard Copy: just had his head on the television with little turds floatin' around it, called “Turd Copy”. And they whited it all out. So the week later I did two people in a pub goin' "What was that third panel in Pub last week, I couldn't understand it", with me and Paul (Fraser) coming in and goin' “It's because of those bloody printers in Geelong, they'll probably IZOS@RD...”
You were in a movie...
That was a couple years ago, yeah.
It's only just been released?
Yeah. It was a STUPID film. Made by a Hari Krishna, Dave Boyce (?). Calls himself ‘Loka' nowadays. We filmed lots of funny stuff across the road (from the Esplanade), we made a huge Hell set and I was the Devil. The film was about me bein' the last psycho killer in Australia. Chicken Head, with a chicken head mask, just killin' everyone in St Kilda and draggin' 'em back to my place and puttin' on country music. All the funny bits, like when I go down to hell 'cause I have contract with the Devil and start killing everyone, I end up as the Devil - we filmed all this great stuff like musical bits. He cut all the funny bits out and made it like a propaganda piece for the Hari Krishnas. Stupid. It's real serious and boring. Candy's pretty good.
Who’s Candy?
A female impersonator. It's a bloke doin' a Divine. And good at it too.
He became a Hari Krishna after he filmed it?
No, he's been a HK for a number of years. It was a good way to get off smack or something. That was a sequel, first one was 'Done To Death', and this one was 'Done TWO Death', 'cause the first one was done between ‘82 and ‘84. And it was filmed entirely from money he got from the dole, and the film that he pinched from film shops! That was a much funnier film.
Has that been released again?
No, I think he's embarassed by it, 'cause it's pure comedy. How he's advertising this film is how the first film actually was. Pure trash.
You ever done films yourself?
Every year I make one for the White Gloves. And I have me own camera. I make films with Paul Fraser, about three films. There was 'Debbie Does 3-Dementia', and there's 'The White Pencil' - that's about a pencil sharpener that cracks onto a pencil - and then there was the one we've done this year, 'The Pussy That Shat Popcorn'. (?!?!)
Any last comments?
Yeah - get a REAL job! (laughs)
VENOM P. STINGER the STUMPY interview
[Originally published in Stumpy IV, late 1993]Little has been heard of jazz-punk noise legends Venom P. Stinger, unless you’ve been lucky enough to witness any of their recent blisteringly loud and raucous shows in Melbourne. A fine return to form to be sure. STUMPY cornered bass-player Alan Secher-Jensen one afternoon in July 1993 after one such show, and over cold Carlton on tap at the beautiful Esplanade Hotel in St Kilda, demanded to know what the hell has been going down recently in the Stinger camp. Once more, to the beers...
Al: I remember a couple of days’ drive up in the van, and that Peter from Lubricated Goat who was mixing and roadie-ing things got thrown out of Toowoomba for doing an experimental piece of music performed in a circle, and for looking like drunken layabouts... getting to Brisbane, sobering up in the surf, getting to the Blind Hall, and playing a very good gig. That was one gig we enjoyed the most I reckon that year, and it was good playing up north and away from Melbourne. And hung around on the Sunday, did another gig with Strontium Dog... headed back to Sydney, did a gig there, and was great fun.
What were your impressions of Strontium Dog?
I thought they were, um... really quirky, sounded fairly interesting, it’s interesting without having to be heavy, to keep your imagination on things. I haven’t heard anything myself of them for a while, but I liked them I think.
How did you get thrown out of Toowoomba?
It was run by a husband and wife, ex-Federal Police narcs - everyone in Toowoomba is ex-Federal Police!
Maybe over 25; under 25, everyone’s a hot-rodding redneck.
They were having this Festival of Flowers, and because we had a flower on the poster they thought we were an appropriate band for the week! (laughter) He said, “Get out, here’s fifty bucks!”
Why do you have flowers on the record covers? It seems like a complete contrast...
Yeah, well in part for a contrast, to get away from skulls and bones and things, but probably the main reason is Jim’s sister drew the first few and that’s what she was doing.
I mean they’re not very attractive flowers - verging on dead...
If you’ve got ten records you can arrange them in a bouquet. Basically because that’s waht Anna would draw for us. I really like it.
You're recording at the moment?
Yeah, we just did a demo of new songs for the new one, and we did recording at the Great Britain last Monday week, and Nick’s set this studio upstairs which is fantastic. It’s got this room inside the building that’s on springs. It looks like the inside of a miniature airplane. But the sound is incredible. We spent another ten hours yesterday before the gig, ten hours mixing it down then having to drag the gear back. The drum sound is amazing... Nick’s set it up to record bands at the Great Britain live. So I think any band that goes in that's playing, you could record.
So you could have two live albums out?
Well the next one might be a live album, but I certainly like the idea of playing it live instead of overdubbing it all the time. It's heaps better.
Is it coming out on Augogo?
A few people have been talking to us, like Scott Bevan from Deaf Dyke (?) which is a new record label that started up, these guys worked in Augogo. They're starting up this singles record label, and they're doing album CDs and stuff ... so yeah, twelve songs with the new singer.
That wasn’t Dugald last night? (hadn’t actually noticed... )
No that's Nick Palmer. We had a disaster - we got "What"s Yours Is Mine" released in the US, so we were going over to do a tour, and Mick and Jim and I were just trying to get Duguld's papers cleared, and just get him fit and healthy enough to get over there. He got beaten up pretty badly and got his face cut with glass and was really sick, and wasn’t healthy enough to get to America, so Mick and Jim had met this character Nick Palmer who was a friend of Ross Knight’s (Cosmic Psychos), and he knew all the Venom stuff, he got tapes and records actually with him. Nick was actually on a holiday around America, 'round the world - he met Mick and Jim when they were both wondering what we were going to do without a singer. I think they roped him in to it and said, "You know the songs, don’t you? You’re the singer!”
He sounds a lot like Dugald.
He does, but not really the same. Both appropriate to the music ... Nick’s really got his own character and style. I think we've changed what we're doing, I think it's a really good direction.
The new material you played last night sounded a lot different. The older material was more in a straight line...
Before it was more sorta one riff-like songs. There's still a bit of that in there, but a lot's been put into writing the stuff now.
Even the drumming sounds different...
He's got a lot of new styles and tricks. He's still the same Jim White!
I heard someone describe it as 'junk jazz’, especially the snare playing and tom work.
Pretty much what we were trying to get.
The new material sounds a lot more straight-forward.
I think maybe the plan's sorta to do that, but to work out ways so it founds fuller and stronger. Like with all jazz it's a little bit light, and then what we were doing was a little bit light, and I think this way to make it stronger, sometimes it's actually making the songs slower. Which puts a little sparseness in there as well, which I think's ... good stuff. With the new stuff we’re all pretty keen about what we're doing. We were certainly worried about what was going to happen to the band. Wasn't much of a band without the singer.
What happened when you got to America?
The first gig was in the freakshow at Coney Island in front of a huge cardboard cutout of the Bearded Lady! And the Amazing Rubber Woman took an immediate fancy to Nick and started following him around Coney Island. So it was bizarre - they took us on a really dangerous bloody rollercoaster ride just out the back of the freakshow. The trolley leaves the rails and sorta... (laughter) What else? Jello Biafra walks up to Mick Turner while he's putting up a Venom P. Stinger poster and says, I think, quote: "How did these cunts get here?" Marches off into the distance, right, comes back to the gig with his mates later on, and a really nice guy - held heard about us from Charlie from King Snake Roost and Bruce from Aberrant Records and... really good guy.
I know Biafra’s been a big fan of Australian music.
Yeah, he knows what's going on, he knows it all. I think he had people from Australia come over and see him, ropes them up for the night and says, “Tell me what's going on!" Good guy. I think he's battling the record companies. They're trying to work out some way to stamp out alternative record labels.
He's a big fan of conspiracy theories as well.
Yeah, he reckons he lives in San Francisco because it’s the least likely place to get shot. By American standards!
Right next to LA, the most likely place to get shot!
Washington. Beats LA.
Probably more rich people and desperate people.
There's bloody desperados in New York. (pauses) I tell you, the drumkit that Jim played on that live record was a (?), it's amazing the sound's so good on it because it was just falling apart. It's sorta a cardboard drumkit, had to go up the road and get a couple of skins to hold it together, there's sitting around with some milk crates, coupla little amps and things - we didn’t have our amps with us so we couldn't get the guitar sound - but the sound that came out of that was fantastic. It was RAW.
Who was the guy behind the record?
That's Carl from KOLA (?) who’s in Davies, which is north and inland from San Francisco. Carl’s been into the Sick Things and Fungus Brains for years and years, and he’d heard that we were in LA, and asked us if we'd do a gig at the radio. We were sitting around with nothing to do and time running out, so we took a drive - it was a fair drive but it was worth it. We hadn’t seen any of the West Coast so... we were staying with Rick who’s the drummer from Clawhammer - good guys. Once we got up and going in the US it was really good..
That was two years ago... I'd thought you'd split up because the last proper release, Waiting Room - was there a delay in getting that out?
I was hoping it might come out while we were overseas. Because it takes a long time to get things to be produced and actually made and sounding properly, it came out when we got back. That was the fourth studio thing we did.
And that was the last one you’d done...
The last one with Dugald, yeah
I hadn't seen any live reviews or whispers of recordings coming out...
It was basically getting stuck into writing a stack of new stuff and working out new ways... also the scene in Melbourne's changed a lot too. We've played in different pubs, the best one's the Great Britain where we did the recording. Nick's got a history of really good bands at a really good price, and he’s got a really good PA, so you can go down for two bucks and see fuckin’ great bands or see a video or something. He's probably the guy that's into the independent music, of the bands that are playing, than anybody else. (More chat about Melbourne dives) The scene’s far healthier now - people are getting into quirkier things, not just sorta the Stooges...
Where do you think you fit in though?
Not sure...
I hate the word ‘cult', but...
Another word for 'not frequent'! Where do we fit in? Dunno, Andrew. I think the idea is to try and make up some good music and try and play exactly what we want to play. We've played in heaps of bands to do the thing the band does. 'Cause actually each of you've gotta play shit you don't really enjoy. I've been in a band where I can fuckin’ play exactly what I want to play, and the other guys play exactly what they wanna play, and eventually it goes together really good.
It comes across as 'honest’.
Honest, hopefully - we've just gotta try and keep doing that. We're lucky we've managed to keep going since 1985 and we're pretty lucky to have lasted this long for all those years, nd we're just gonna try and got a good record out so that we can keep doing it.
STUMPY vs THE ONYAS: a three-round slugathon [Introduction written for Kicking Against The Pricks #1, along with a reissue of the Onyas interview from STUMPY #2]
STUMPY fanzine was my first project, musical or otherwise, as a fresh-faced scenester straight out of uni, frustrated and bored fuckless working at my soul-crushing public service prison sentence. Slapped together on a Centrelink photocopier during teabreaks, with interviews taped on a Tandy micro-cassette recorder and transcribed onto a rickety manual typewriter with an off-centre “e”, it pretty much dominated my existence from late ’91 to early ’94, gave me my unfortunate moniker (“Andrew Stumpy” was truncated even further to just Stumpy, El Stumpo, The Stump Wizard, and very occasionally Rumpled Stumpskin), was directly responsible for my first three bands Mr Bastard, Invisible Empire and Queer, and forged many lasting friendships. Looking back, it’s weird to see my first ever conversation with Lance Sinclair is in Issue One, and long-time partner in crime Cal Crilly was interviewed TWICE in number Two.
From the very first Idiotorial, STUMPY set out as a personal crusade against the prevailing cultural dogma: a sardonic, irreverent and cheerfully profane championing of the musical and filmic one-percenters. My interviews with Fred Negro, Killdozer, Venom P. Stinger, The Splatterheads, and local assholes Big Bongin’ Baby, Alien Virus, Invisible Empire, Noose, were characterized by in-jokes and endless, rambling conversations with people no-one had heard of let alone be willing to spend half an hour of their lives wading through. Plus there’s me trying to be witty, which I’m clearly not, while aiming at dumb AND profound in the same sentence, which only truly gifted writers can pull off, leaving the rest of floundering for air in a sea of pithy one-liners and piss-poor segues. Such as this.
Early on, Stumpy cemented my reputation as a troublemaker. A Hardons review for ‘Dateless Dudes Club” (two sentences: “One band that seriously needs a bullet. Some of us remember when they were GOOD”) got issue 4 banned from Sydney’s Waterfront Records store and, according to James Straker, saw a foaming Ray Ahn on the warpath wanting to “karate kick Stumpy’s ass”. My all-time favourite review of Stumpy was from Melbourne zine “Salty And Delicious”, whose primary scribe Richard Salty took severe effrontery to my A-Z of Euro-Sleaze and several of Gregor from Mr Bastard’s cartoons: “This zine makes me sad. It’s well written and the layout is superb - it’s obviously the product of an intelligent mind, but it’s a disturbing one... A celebration of sexploitation and stupid violence with an ever-present overtone of misogyny. Maybe I just don’t have a sense of humour?”
The zine’s biggest shitstirrers, however, were the Onyas, with their cocky, arrogant, self-confident swagger belying their musical ineptitude, and their “Every Band In Brisbane Sux Including Yours” tag. They put the “id” into idiosyncratic, quickly becoming Brisbane punk’s hyper-critical (not to mention hypocritical) shadow. Before long, no sacred cows were safe from their barbecue tongs.
The first interview was conducted after an Onyas gig in the back stairwell of the old Treasury Hotel, an early version of Rollo’s Club Splurt and literally the ONLY place in the city to get rat-sacked on a weekend. Richard Stanley was still doing the Punk Rock Show on ZZZ, whose interviews fattened up his one issue of Detox from early ’92. Stanners had one more zine in him (a single issue of “Thirsty And Miserable” from around late ‘93) before succumbing to rock and roll whoredom, Dropkick labelry, and a barrage of seemingly self-mocking press-releases, all done in the inimitable Stanners style.
Stanners’ brother Jordan aka Jaws was MIA from the interview, even though the gig wasn’t on a school night, but the fourth Onya, Anton (now Dr Anton) was present. He quit the second guitar stool soon after the Onyas began their frequent trips down South, but while he was in the band his barbed comments were actually the sharpest, as he and Stanners would fire insult after insult at each other. Looking back at Issue Two’s interview, their beer-and-bile soaked comments about the Brisbane punk rock scene are as timeless and incisive as ever, and gave the fanzine a philosophical viewpoint at fundamental odds with the fawning, self-congratulatory gag-rag that was BUMS (which I also contributed to – hell, back then I was whoring my services more frequently but with as much fervour as I do now).
Issue Three (“a penetrating view of 1992”) featured Richard and Anton mercilessly yet hilariously ragging, band by band and track by track, on Tim Screamfeeder’s cassette compilation “Bruise 2” which, in the local press at least, appeared to be beyond criticism. The Onyas/Big Bongin’ Baby ‘94 Tour Diary graced the pages of the fifth and final Stumpy, written mainly by Gutterball Pete after an afternoon of hat wearing and largie abuse. Naturally I heeded the call to drum for the Bongers for the next five years, and even though gigs were six months apart and the nights usually began with Gutterball face down and comatose on his coffee table, life got even busier and my brief but intense fanzine career drew to a close.
Meanwhile the mid-90s was a period of exponential growth for the Onyas and because I was around, and did work for free entry to gigs (which I promptly videotaped and bootlegged!), I had become their unofficial stylist. I crafted a handful of record covers, tour posters, did press photos and a t-shirt for Au-Go-Go – my hand-drawn Superman-esque Onyas logo was even “appropriated” by Frank Kozic for their Man’s Ruin seven incher. Which is only fair, since I’d been ripping off HIS work for years. Then in 1996 the Onyas returned from their first European tour filling the Cosmic Psychos support slot and played their first Brisbane gig at the newly opened Trash Video Mark One under the Zoo on Ann Street. You could tell they had changed: battle-scarred and world weary, and already on a musical level that most of us Bris-bound schlubs could only imagine. It was weird, like viewing first-hand the end of innocence, or watching your high school buddies bust their collective cherry. Within the year all three Onyas had slid down the slippery slope to Melbourne, and the rest you rubes all know, or at least should know, for fuck’s sake. (Andrew “El-Stumpo” Leavold, 04/04/06)
ROUND 1: Crucifying Brisbane Scene-Gods with THE ONYAS!
BRACKEN RIDGE’S ANSWER TO A MULTIPLE YMGWIE MALMSTEEN, BRISBANE’S ONLY TRUE BEARERS OF THE KISS TORCH, LOCAL HARD-ROCK SUPERLEGENDS THE ONYAS EXPLODE THE MYTHS SURROUNDING THE HOLY BRISBANE SCENE. PRESENT OUTSIDE THE TREASURY TOILETS ARE ANTON AND JOHN ON SUBPOP-CRUSHING GUITARS, RICHARD ON THUNDERARSE BASS AND JORDAN “CHICK MAGNET” ON BROKEN SNARE.
John: They say "Come on, fuckin' get up there, support your scene, there's all these bands", but no-one ever turns up, it's just the other bands in the crowd and a couple of girlfriends and stuff, that's the point isn't it? If the bands were any fuckin' good there'd BE a crowd. Seriously, if you play for three or five years and you can't pull a crowd, I mean what the fuck are you doing?
Richard: People think you shouldn’t go around slagging the ‘scene’, but if anyone had any fuckin’ ounce of faith in what they're doing, they wouldn’t give a shit if they got slagged to hell. All the people whinging about "there's too much bitching in the Brisbane scene", well I reckon fuckin' bring it all out in the open!
Anton: I walked up to the Mall and came back, and there must've been thirty people, all dressed up in their 'alternative' gear, all got somewhere i.e. Volcanic Bass. I've got nothing against people going to VB, but they totally ignore the scene that's going on around them.
Richard: Those Stella 7 guys, God, they look like art-rock wankers! Just get up on stage with their fuckin' guitars up their arseholes. Go back to art college you sucks! And I think I said it before, if Stella 7 wanna fight, it's fists, the gloves are OFF!
Anton: It’s like inbreeding, see... living out in the country and you have a look at your sister and you say, “Hey, she’s not a bad piece of ass”, so you fuck her and eventually she becomes pregnant, right? (laughter) And born of the two is this child, and the cycle continues with these children inbreeding and breeding until they get three eyes and knees that point out in the wrong direction, that sort of shit, right? And this is what’s happening in Brisbane. Occasionally in these little country towns someone will come from the outside and everyone will say, “Wow, wasn’t he/she a good fuck”, then there’ll be some new element, and this is what I think happened here in Brisbane. There were lots of little bands interbreeding, and then in came Mudhoney and everyone said, “Wasn’t Mudhoney a good fuck”, and down through the genes came a little bit of Mudhoney. Out there’s still all this genetic quagmire, sludge through the Brisbane scene, and THAT, the lovechild of this union is BUDD, among other bands like Krud, Squelch...
Everybody says what nice guys Budd are. I’m not arguing that, I don’t want to know whether they're nice guys or not, what I object to is that they're such a degenerate little fuckin’ crap band that are put up as being the scene leaders. There's Jeremy from Budd, then there's Tim Screamfeeder, and they're the 'geniuses' of the Brisbane scene. It just leaves a lot to be desired - I mean the whole point of hating Budd is 'cause it's not a personal thing, it's a group thing.
Richard: We could make it personal!
Anton: Yeah, if they want to make it personal, we'll go ten rounds with them... we hate them as a GROUP. They sound fucked and they ARE fucked.
Richard: They’re the worst fuckin’ band I've ever seen! They suck, and we’re willing to go ten rounds with them, basically like any band.
Anton: We probably know more about organized violence than they do.
Richard: It's always the really good bands go unnoticed, and the bands that fuckin' HOWL on us get really popular. That's why Budd are so popular, they're the kings of the scene. They're just like a prepackaged product everyone can relate to.
Anton: I'd just like to quote Kellie Lloyd in saying that "Brisbane is the new SEATTLE!”
Richard: Stone Groove is just like Subpop on a smaller level, and all these bands who look like Mudhoney and Nirvana but on a smaller level. Pity for them all these people don't realize how small a level it is.
Anton: BUMS (Brisbane Underground Music Scene, early 90s fanzine) is the placenta of the unborn child, the miscarried child of the inbred Brisbane scene. BUMS is probably the midwife...
Richard: Everyone who writes for that magazine, and I mean EVERYONE, is a completely cluless wonder. They don't know what the fuck they're talking about.
John: Not that I pay much attention to it, but there’s people who are in a band and they’ll write about their OWN BAND in the actual magazine. This happens a number of times it seems.
Anton: e.g. Lance Sinclair!
Richard: We wanna fuckin’ cut yer balls off Lance! (to Andrew) You’re NOT going to edit that out! If you read the Party Fears’ BUMS review it was just fuckin’ spot on, they’re so gutless. They need advertising revenue, as they’re so gutless to slag everything. Every band, it’s like “Oh no, they’re from Brisbane, let’s go suck their dicks”, that’s it, that’s the whole magazine. Sure enough you gotta have some kind of scene report, but not fuckin’ BRISBANE!
John: Being serious, it’s gotta be constructive. You just can’t keep saying “Oh mate, this band - if you like this sound, they’re great...” ‘cause there’s a lot of bands that are FUCKED. I mean, look at tonight (points towards the Treasury bar), it’s Friday night and there’s flat out being fifty people out there. That’s not a scene, that’s a bloody fiasco!
Richard: A couple of words of genius from 'Chick Magnet’!
Jordan: My brother got me nvolved because he wanted to start a band with John called ‘The Onyas' ...
Richard: Now the REAL story.
Anton: We got Jordan hooked on crack, and the only way he could get his fix was by playing in the band - look, he's shaking, he's shaking... we kept pushing him and that's why he's the great drummer he is today, the creative genius, 'cause once he had to buy the drugs he could talk about pain, he could talk about struggle ... that's where the driving force comes from, COLD TURKEY!
Richard: The Onyas isn’t a reflection of any sort of culture, it's about Jordan’s personal life.
Anton: Jordan’s inspiration is spoken through the talent of the other three members.
Andrew: Who are your favourite cock-rock guitar heroes?
John: I dunno ... the first person that I liked was, like, Hendrix, then I liked Townsend ... then Dirty from the Cosmic Psychos, 'cause I've never heard any thing like it in my life, it was so BAD! I'm saying that in a good way.
Richard: Cock Rock isn't about ideology or social change or anything, it's about getting up on stage and playing your guitar behind your head!
Andrew: How long did it take to perfect the ...
John: ...behind the head? I always look at myself in the mirror, always - no shit.
Richard: He gets off in front of the bathroom mirror and plays the guitar totally naked ... this is before he's had any beers, you should see him when he gets three beers in him!
Anton: The thing is, he's playing guitar in front of the mirror, thinking he's playing air guitar, but he's really wanking!
Andrew: Do you think you'll be taking your clothes off as a regular thing?
John: If you're asked to play, you have to take your shirt off, simple as that - you like to flex, this is a natural male characteristic.
Anton: I think it shows how tight we are as a band.
Andrew: How come Chick Magnet didn’t?
Richard: Then all the girls would come up on stage!
Anton: When we play the stage is ours - anyone who gets up is looking for trouble.
Richard: We belong on the stage ‘cause we’re stars and the audience must know that... but that's not the point.
Andrew: Do you get terrified when you get people applauding at the end of your songs? Do you feel like you’re being ACCEPTED?
Anton: They clap anyone, they’re just stupid. Budd played at Uni and they clapped them. The ‘hub of intellectual excellence’ and they were clapping BUDD!
Andrew: Jordan isn’t serious when he writes those songs, is he?
Anton: We have him put in those obvious macho Australian...
John: "Anyone wanna pie?" Anyone with a beer in their hand ... (says something about meat pies)
Andrew: I got really defensive when you sang “Beer Gut”.
Anton: Sorry! it was just the common slouch - I started writing out some words about fat
people but I only got two lines, then I got obsessed with lines about Jews... (someone starts quoting Slayer lyrics)
Richard: We were teenage metalheads once.
Andrew: If you were stranded on a desert isle, what would be the five records you’d take with you?
Richard: The Onyas tape.
Anton: Motley Crue,. . .
Richard: Bon Jovi, Guns & Roses - real rock’n’roll!
THE FINAL WORD...
John: I reckon that if people hate us in Brisbane, then we've gotta be doing something right!
ROUND 2: BRUISE II vs THE ONYAS!
Once again, Richard & Anton take on the mighty STONE GROOVE, with Andrew as referee. It's Round 2 and the gloves are still OFF.
The MILLERITES “Soul”
Anton: Sounds like REM with stacks of Steve Kilbey from the Church.
Richard: I missed ‘em the other night (tape launch), and by the sounds of things I didn't miss that much!
Anton: They're going nowhere, put it that way.
MIDGET “Wet”
Anton: Well, it was a fuckin’ SHORT song, wasn’t it? (laughs at his own joke)
Andrew: What would you class it as?
Richard: Just your regular Brisbane post-punk dribble.
Andrew: I wouldn't even put the word "punk" in it, I’d call it “post-post".
Anton: Post-interesting for a start.
SPIRAL I “Undecided”
Anton: Spiral I? I’d like to give them a black eye!
Richard: It was a bit better than the last one, at least it was a bit more upbeat.
Andrew: But was it "cool"? That's the question .
Richard: It was very “cool", but whether it is "good” is a different question. There's a huge gulf between "cool" and "good”.
Anton: There's a huge gulf between being cool in Brisbane and being cool anywhere else in the world!
Richard: They'd fuckin' rock Seattle ... I think if I was the drummer in that band I'd rather be in the Hummingbirds too. Enough said.
Richard: Budd glorious Budd, where do we start?
Anton: We wanna fight 'em, they give too much cheek.
Richard: We're looking forward to playing gigs with Budd - God, we' gonna fuckin' rock them off the stage so badly! It's a bit heavier than the others, but there's more in life than be "heavy". They've got the big sound, but where's the pop hook? Where are the hits? They've got the riffs, they've got the sound, they just need the songs. And they need to have their heads beaten in by us.
Anton: The song says it all. "Don't Wake Up" and we didn’t.
Richard: Budd put us to sleep, and Milch weren't about to wake us up! As it is, they're gonna end up on the scrapheap like Budd, on the receiving end of our guitars.
Richard: All I can say is that I saw them the other night, it was their last gig, and that is the only positive thing I can say about that band, is that they've broken up
Anton: KRUD is mud.
Richard: KRUD is crud. Name says it all.
Anton: Ruins an otherwise pathetic tape.
Richard: We were going along pretty swimmingly there, just one bad song after the other, then Chopper had to come in and ruin it with a good song.
Richard: Looks like we're getting to the good section of the tape. NOT.
Anton: Two words: “Art”, “Wankers".
Richard: You listen to them and you think they've got good songs and they sound really fuckin' great, but you don’t wanna look at them 'cause they look like Art Wankers. They've just come out of their little art school and they've come down to the thing to strut around with their Rickenbackers..,
Anton: Two words: "Ricken", "Backers".
Richard: Any band that has a bassist who slaps deserves to hand cut off and his guitar anally inserted.
Anton: Two words: “Funk”, “Metal”. Back to PitchDORK...
Richard: If you want to be like the Bad Brains - you're white! Give it up! That's it.
Anton: "In my morbid stench I rot in carcass flesh!! ... The PUNGENT SENCH of NOOSE permeates the foul air!" (Drops the death growl)
Richard: Cheer up! Be happy! The world is a nice happy place full of fun people! You could go to the waterslide or ... rollerdiscos! There's more to life than Italian cannibal films!
Anton: A lot of people might misconscrue the Onyas as a violent band, but for us, violence is not something we cherish. We've spent a lot of time meditating, going to self-control classes, so that we can control this anger within us, this violence, and focus our aggression into MEANINGLESS ACIS OF SENSELESS VIOLENCE!!!
Richard: That's what Onyas music is about. It's about getting people to channel all this idle aggression into random acts of senseless violence. And what better way to start than by killing all the members of NOOSE.
Anton: Slowly, so then they'll know what their lyrics mean.
Richard: Furthermore, any bands that aren't on this tape and wanna fight, write to us or call us, come and see us at our gigs, we'll be happy to accomodate you!
ROUND 3: THE ONYAS TMT interview
Richard: We never prided ourselves as being champion drinkers, just champion drunks. Naturally I was first on fhe floor.
Do you still uphold the fine Onyas tradition of bagging Brisbane acts ?
Naturally.
Latest targets?
Gets to a point where you can't pick your favourite fucked local bands anymore- the competition's pretty hot these days, with the fallout after PANGAEA broke up. Sad to see our familiar comedy relief move interstate too. Particular attention should be paid to your pseud-philosophical metal funksters ZARATHUSTRA for genuinely believing that second year uni students actually have infellectual superiority over anyone, and that high speed hand-eye coordination counts for shit outside of a video arcade.
A year ago you were losers going nowhere fast. Now you're signed to Augogo you're suddenly losers with an expense account to burn. Will this change the band?
Yes. We keep most songs we write now.
How does Adelaide treat you?
The folks there are especially friendly to us and lay ounces of killer buds on us at every turn. The guys in BLOW (ex-IRON SHEIKS) are everything you can ask for as hosts. They know how to make their band as much like an action movie as they can. Stuntman rock, with shootouts, car chases and bodacious ta-tas.
You find a punter unconscious outside a nightclub- Do you:
A: Rifle through his pockets to double your drinking budget?
B: Piss on him when no ones watching?
C: Ring the police, pretend he's been murdered, then watch the proceeding chaos?
D: All of the above?
D: All of the above, then buy Hot Chicken Heroes for everyone in sight.
Describe your new album 'MEN' in terms of black action heroics?
It most resembles Isaac Hayes' Truck Turner aka Black Bullet - muscley, bald headed and operating on the underside of the law, with elements of the bungling slapstick of Antonio Fargas and the wide-bottomed, chest-beating pulchritude of Rudy Ray Moore.
